Ch-ch-ch-ch CHANGES

It's not like anyone really cares all that much about whether or not I am blogging just like they wouldn't really care if I'm showering everyday, remembering to lock my front door when I leave, noticing dust fermenting on my tv and then cleaning it off, or other areas of adulthood that I've mastered over the past few years. So, since I've been kind of off the radar because I've been um, living my life, I decided that I'm going to dedicate some time to writing my thoughts and feelings without caring who reads it, who doesn't, and whether or not I am using proper English grammar and sentence structure in doing so (ignoring the fact that I have a BA in Journalism). With that said, 2011 has been beyond ridiculous. I consider this year to be one in which I've grown more in 8 months then I have ever before.

Flashback to December 2008 where the cornerstone event of my life occurred. At 23, I was living on my own, had a full time job, experienced the same growing pains every chick in her 20's does, and was finally feeling independent and confident after just moving back from London. Then, I lost my brother. You want to talk about being a confused and bewildered twentysomething? Well, that was amplified and then some. I'm not saying that the world owes me something or anyone should feel sorry for me. I've lived a pretty blessed and happy life. But, my perspective changed tenfold. What happened to my brother was and still is a tragedy, one that I will never get over, but one that I've now reached an acceptance for. It's taken a very long time to confidently say that. I don't think about him every second of every day, and I have to attribute that to taking each day slowly and not rushing through it over the past 2.5 years. 

This sounds really corny, but when someone close to you dies so suddenly (or at all) dreams of that person become so valuable. Alex visits me in my dreams and I feel lucky that my non-stop, spastic, imaginative brain allows me to see his handsome face. Sometimes he's there in nightmares, just standing there protecting me (that's my conclusion). Sometimes he's there when the dream is a happy one, and I'm thankful I get to experience that with him - even though it's all "make believe."

I needed to change things about myself in order to feel like things would be better one day. So, I slowed down. Hard thing to do when you are naturally hyper and have Gary Laliberte as your father. It's in the bloodline. He's the most energetic person I have ever known.....ever. So, I cried when I needed to, laughed when something was funny, ate my feelings and gained 40 pounds and then lost it all when things started to get better. Better meaning healing. It wasn't until I moved out to LA that I started to feel full of life again. At this time in my life, I'm more confident and happy then I have ever been before, and the events in my life have shown that to me.

I think it's interesting how we change and don't realize we're changing until we don't know how to deal with things because we aren't doing the things we used to do. Case in point, I fell in love this year for the very first time in my whole life. I've had love-like scenarios before, where I think I loved the person but never fully fell because I was so scared. The reason I know that is because I was like a 16-year-old on a hormone-driven, emotion-entrenched airport of feelings. And I actually allowed myself to feel them and let this person in. It was kind of me testing myself to see if I could NOT run away for once. So I stuck around and learned how vulnerable and sensitive I am. I also learned how critical I am of myself. And, that's okay, because I am human. In the end it didn't work out, and it hurts, and I miss him. But I believe everything is an experience to grow and learn from. I learned that I shouldn't settle for anything less than I deserve. And I won't ever again. To feel like I was selling myself out for infrequent moments of bliss and mixed messages every other second was very draining, to say the least. It doesn't matter how good the sex is, or how much you jive with someone, the red flags are there and only you can read them. In the end, everyone is damaged and it all comes down to timing, intelligence and luck. But, to make my point, what I would have done before is ended the situation at the first inclination of emotion. To have my best friend, Jessica say to me, "I want to record this conversation because it's never happened," when I called her to tell her about this person said it all. I've been friends with her since I was 19, that's like 7 years. Whoa.

There's waaaaay more that's happened...but that was probably the biggest thing.

So, I will leave everyone with a quote my mother has been saying for years...

"If you always did what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got."

Totally true and TOTALLY life-changing, if you're up for the "challenge to change," as I call it. Until next time.... 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KYLIE AND GIANNA ARZER!!! Your Auntie Chels LOVES YOU!!!!

Truth about new government...from the horse's mouth

Many of my "millions" of blogging admirers out there in cyber space are aware that I am very opinionated (mostly, I dare say regarding things that don't really mean anything at all). But when it comes to politics I tend to let on slightly as to my position, but in the end find it no one's business which policies I agree or disagree with. I see so many people post their comments on Facebook, MySpace, Twitter...and more power to them. I guess I have always felt like my political beliefs were of a deeply personal relationship that I don't have to share with anyone. Like a secret love affair, without the irrisistable lust. But, when it came to people bashing our President (whom, yes, I did vote for - proud of it then and today) I couldn't help but get frustrated. Rome wasn't built in a day. I don't remember exactly who coined that statement, I think it was Julius Caesar, but nevertheless, what President Obama has done is monumental, drove from a fearless and restless fight to the finish, and has lessened the global hatred toward our country after eight years of conservative leadership. Sure, there are some things that I don't fully agree with, but for the most part "a change was needed, and a change was made." Don't know who said that either.

Either way, I am currently reading A Journey: My Political Life by Tony Blair. If you don't know who that is, I sincerely feel sorry for you and request that you immediately Google him. I'll cut some slack to those who were born in the 90's. I'll give you a hint - what President Obama is to America, Tony Blair was to England (in more ways than one - the Labour party and Obama's Democratic party mirror one another quite intricately) except for much longer and post-Conservative ruling for several decades. And if you want to know more you should watch "The Special Relationship" with Dennis Quaid (as President Clinton) and Michael Sheen (as Tony Blair). And up until recently, Blair has maintained quite an honorable and respected reputation politically and as a person. If you want to know more about "up until recently" google that too. In his book, which was just released here in the States, he says the following (from his chapter, High Expectations where he discusses in depth the night of and events surrounding his swearing in as Prime Minister of Great Britain in 1997):

"When Barack Obama fought and won his extraordinary campaign for the presidency back in 2008, I could tell exactly what he would have been thinking. At one level, the excitement and energy created by such hope vested in the candidate has the effect of buoying you up, driving you on, giving all that you touch something akin to magic. The country is on a high and you are up there with them.

At another, deeper level, however, you quickly realize that though you are the repository of that hope and have in part been the author of it, it now has a life of its own, a spirit of its own and that spirit is soaring far beyond your control. You want to capture it, tame it and harness it, because its very independence is, you know, leading the public to an impossible sense of expectation.

Expectations of this nature cannot be met. That's what you want to tell people. Often you do tell them. But the spirit can't be too constrained. And when finally it departs, leaving your followers with reality - a reality you have never denied and which you have even sought to bring to their attention - the danger is of disillusion, more painful because of what preceded it."

Such profound words from a source who has lived through exactly the description above. We all were so amped up (well, liberals at least) when President Obama was elected. I'll never forget that night, sitting on my couch with my mom and a friend, tears streaming down our faces at the historical event that just took place. The first black president, the first President since Clinton to rally for change and inspire people all over our country. We were stoked. Change has come, change has come. But after the dust settled from that night, the politics took place.

The actual decisions, fights and lobbying, shoulder rubbing and speech-making, and so on and so forth started to occur, and we all waited for something to happen. Republican, Democrat, Independents, whatever you call your party, we were all given a laudry list of resolutions and almost 2 years later we're all looking around saying "where is the change?" Whether it is the Bush tax cuts issue, the economy "shit-uation", the unemployment increases, immigration - whatever is, people aren't getting the results they thought they would hense his recent 52% dissaproval rating. But as I said above, "Rome wasn't built in a day." I think the American people were expecting a day or less. So I'm now realizing why Obama has been getting so much flack lately...the expectations were high, the promise was higher but what everyone seems to forget is that the groundwork is molded now, but the results take years.

That is all...

New Disease: Law Enforcement Egotism

I live in a state that has very strict legalities when it comes to driving. I understand that the point of having police officers is to enforce the law, but when it goes from upholding safety on the road to unvalidated accusations against careful drivers hasn't it gone too gar? Texting/talking and driving is hugely distracting, no doubt. But there is no law that says you cannot have your phone accessible to you in your own vehicle, should you happen to receive/need to make a call during your trip. I went to Costco a few weeks ago and purchased one of those Bluetooth speakers so I don't have to wear that annoying thing in my ear. Most people are actively taking measures to use their mobile phones while driving but in a safe manor. Including me...and I almost got a ticket for it!

I was just driving home from my friend, Wendy's house. About 3 blocks from my apartment this cop pulls up next to me. As he pulls up next to me I was ironically plugging my phone into the charger. So thinking I'm using it he yells out the window "hey, you need to stop texting or I'll pull your ass over!" He proceeded to follow me down the street screaming out the window at me. I couldn't believe this guy. Obviously during some course of my journey I'm going to be touching my phone - either to turn the sound off when ringing, charging it, seeing who's calling or moving it - whatever the case may be! Why does it automatically have to be thought of as texting because I'm simply touching my cell phone. I'm touching my diet coke too! I see people driving around all day with their phones glued to their ears and never getting as much as a slap on the wrist. But because I'm young and driving with my windows down and music up, I'm automatically violating the law?! That's fucking stupid.

So as I'm pulling into the alley, he follows me and I just stopped to try and defend myself. He proceeds to yell at me and I said to him, "how can you just accuse someone of texting and driving without actually seeing it happen. I was plugging my phone into the charger and I can prove it to you because you will see no texts sent or received within the last 20 minutes that I was operating my vehicle." He goes, "How do I know you weren't trying to send out a text message?" I said, "You can't just assume that! It's unlawful of you because you don't have just cause or proof." I was desperately biting my tongue, I wanted to ream this guy a new one. So being me I had to get a little last push in so he'd remember me, so I said "don't you think the drug dealers and rapists down the street deserve a bit more of your valuable time than a random girl touching her cell phone?" He said, "i hope I don't encounter you again - next time I won't be so generous."

HAHA! Fucking Po Po's. This is LA - they don't pay you to waste your time instilling the fear in people. Go pull over someone driving high or drunk! Don't waste your time on the intelligent, you aren't fooling anyone!

can't see straight

I am soooooo tired right now it is crazy. I think my four day anxiety attack is over but I'm not too sure because every time I try to breathe, I can't produce a full breath.

That's all.

Music, Oh Music, Where Art Thou?

Okay, so I made the huge mistake of watching the MTV Video Music Awards last night. This was something I used to thoroughly enjoy, but now it feels like one huge hoax. It's a given that everything in media is intended for publicity and sales, but it all feels so in-genuine and forced. The entire time I felt like I was watching a really terrible beauty pageant for toddlers. Everyone chomping at the bit for camera time, the MC (Chelsea Handler) pulling any borderline shocking comment out of her ass and laughing about it in the hopes that other people will laugh along with her (instead of at her, like me), little girls having crying fits over Justin Beiber who let's face it, looks like a pre-pubescent Hillary Swank, wannabe Jersey Girls throwing out their "Bumpits" because Snooki retired the poof. What a waste of 3 hours of my life!!! It was sad, really. People act like it is the most historic and important evening in the world. Oh, and I realized that the only thing I have in common with Taylor Swift is our singing voices - pitchy and whiney. I think Taylor would have a great career as a songwriter, but America clearly cannot differentiate a good voice with a shit one. The one good thing (there is one, I promise) I will say about the VMA's this year is it was genius to have Eminem open the show. He has so much fire and passion in his performances, I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He's an incredible lyricist and I found the messages in many songs on his new album very real and honest. It was reported that this year's VMA's were the highest rated VMA's since 2002, which I find incredibly ironic considering how cheesy and predictable it was this year. The whole thing left me with a bad taste in my mouth.

All of this VMA's talk brings me to the real point...today's music is pretty disappointing. Anyone can sound great with an auto tune harmonizing the vocals on a track. Anyone can write a song - all you need is an ability to rhyme. In time. It ain't a crime. To feel so sublime. Ya get me? There are people out there making millions of dollars writing terrible songs about love, sex, big booty bitches, college, being drunk and stoned...it's pathetic. Give me something more! Tell me how you really feel about your giant facial mole or the trials and tribulations of never being picked for a kickball team at gym class or losing red rover. I mean that stuff sticks with you when you are 8, 9, 10 years old - you carry those things your whole life whether you admit it or not. Okay now I'm going off on a tangent, but the on the surface bullshit songs are getting old. And it's sad, really, because there are so many talented artists out there who go decades long in the game and never get the recognition they deserve. If I could have my own VMA-style awards show, the following artists would be there for sure:

Adele - "To Make You Feel My Love"
Ray Lamontange - "Trouble"
Arcade Fire - "Keep The Car Running"
Vampire Weekend - "A Punk"
Kings of Leon - "Radioactive"
Gorillaz - "On Melancholy Hill"
The National - "Mistaken For Strangers"
The Black Keys - "Tighten Up"
Band of Horses - "No Ones Gonna Love You"
Sharon Jones & the Dap-Kings - "I Learned the Hard Way"
MGMT - "Kids"
Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros - "Home"
Of Montreal - "Suffer For Fashion"
David Gray - "Ain't No Love"

Truths For Mature Humans

I got a little kick out of this one today thanks to Gemma for sending it on over - I can always count on a British person to brighten my day with their no hold barred account of life ;)

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

Expect the Unexpected

In my short 25 years I've learned one very valuable lesson that has saved me hours upon hours of stress and anxiety - especially over the last couple of years. That lesson is this:

You cannot just expect things from people. When you do, even slightly, you give that person the opportunity to let you down.

Okay, so I know that because it's coming from me it doesn't sound very shocking because I'm the queen of "face saving" and "putting walls up." I know, I know...I'm working on it :) I learned it from my mother - thanks mom! But without the thick skin, the things I've done, people I've met and endeavors that I will take on would/will never exist. The reason I bring this up is because we would all love for things to just work out, people to be genuine and the world to right itself when it feels off kilter.

For example, when my close friends confide in me, which has been happening a lot lately, I  listen, never judge and just really try to put myself in their shoes. Additionally, I try to relay the information that has been bestowed upon me. I don't necessarily consider myself wise, but I've been through a few shit storms. Unfortunately, it takes a lot more than giving someone advice for that person to really grasp what you are saying. Stay tuned for next week's blog about people who always love to bitch about their problems but never do anything about them! Oh yea, that's gonna be a good one.

Anyways, it's going to take a very heartfelt experience, often resulting in a broken heart or loss of friendship or something that will greatly affect you to the point where you allow yourself the option to be free of expectations. Believe me, it's a very sad realization. How unfortunate it is that we cannot rely on our own hope or good will of people? But the truth is that most people are selfish. And why shouldn't they be? It's like a viscious circle. Once you are hurt by someone, what do you do? You self preserve and use your defense mechanisms to get through it. That usually results in you shutting down a bit and slowly you learn to put yourself first. I don't mean that you never think about others, but at least in my life, I have just come to the point where my own self appreciation comes ahead of the feelings of others. And I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing. You are with yourself for the rest of your life...learn to love the day to day :)

I have heard from several older and thus wiser friends that your 20's are pretty damn hard. Your comfort zones are virtually non-existent. You go out into the world blindly and on your own  (well some of us), hoping for the best. Get it....hoping! We are all hoping for simplicity or love or success (whatever that may mean to you). And sometimes we fall flat on our asses. But eventually we have to pick ourselves up again and walk on.

So maybe it's about learning to live with ourselves in a world full of unanswered questions. I find that very liberating. I know many people who don't feel comfortable with the unknown. And that's okay too. We are all different. But, we have to start realizing that everything isn't going to just "work out." Some things we will have to give up on, but not everything! So I guess what I'm trying to say is love yourself by learning about yourself first. Take everything in. Do something crazy. Date someone you normally wouldn't. Observe and maybe one day we'll be able to expect more :) That's what I hope at least.

the end.

GRASPing Tightly Everyday!

My mother and I were fortunate enough to have had lunch this past Saturday with a very amazing lady, Denise Cullen. Denise's son Jeff suffered a long battle with substance abuse addiction and very tragically died in August of 2009. Her experience with Jeff's addiction and her own career as a medical and clinical social worker have both greatly contributed to her current endeavor as the new director of national foundation, GRASP (Grief Recovering After a Substance Passing). During our afternoon with Denise we were able to share stories and through our time together I truly felt like I had made a new friend!

There are currently 12 GRASP groups throughout the nation. Only 12! That's not many at all especially when you consider the amount of addicted people there are in this country. So I'm going to do my part and start an LA chapter. I'm hoping that I'll have some support from the locals - there are 9 million of them!

Just wanted to share :) I'm really excited.

Dancing Senior Citizens

Senior Citizens Take On "Billie Jean"

Senior Citizens Take On "Billie Jean"

THIS IS WHAT MOVING LOOKS LIKE...MAYHEM

I'm moving...if you didn't know that then welcome to my life. I know, I know...Tiger Woods' sluts and familial destruction has been fiercely more important than my move, and that's where you have been for the past 3 weeks. I get it, he's Tiger, I'm only me. Welcome back. So basically my room looks like a crime scene. It literally looks like my entire room/the basement was ransacked and destroyed. 11 days til the big drive cross country AKA the first step of this mountain climb of a situation. Don't get me wrong, I couldn't be more excited but it does contain an enormous amount of inner battling. Here's a typical conversation I have with myself on a daily basis:

Me: So "Anna Karenina?" Keep or toss?
Me: Let's keep it. It's supposed to be a classic.
Me: But, you've had it for 10 years and never read it. Why can't you just go to the library and take it out?
Me: I just want it.
Me: Okay, you win. Keep it.
Tough battle, "hardly" fought...easily won. Those three boxes in the photo below are only filled with books. Ha.

Or, this gem of a convo regarding clothes...

Me: You haven't warn this sweater ever.
Me: That's okay I'll wear it one day. It's really cute.
Me: When did you get it?
Me: Like 3 years ago at Macy's.
Me: Oh. But your going to be in Los Angeles where it's warm. You won't even wear wool sweaters in Chicago when it's below zero because of your hot bloodedness.
Me: Okay, but it's still cute.
Me: Okay, you win. Pack it up.

See, I have some mind boggling decisions to make. Okay, in reality, maybe I am being a little bit of a hoarder, but truly, my clothes mean a lot to me, my books mean a lot tot me - both make me who I am. Even if I don't utilize them. And don't plan to ;) I'm the queen of excuses and debating.

Um, yea....those are my wardrobes (after I cleaned everything out to give away). Tells ya a lot. Good thing my closet in the new apartment is a walk-in and big enough to accommodate everything you see here. I keep forgetting about my dresser, which is large and contains many more pieces of my apparel. Ooh, and my purses, coats and shoes. Riiiiiiiiiiight. Hmmm.




A few boxes. Not bad, not bad




















I don't know how to explain this. 11 days. 11 days. 11 days. 11 days.

That's me after taking these photos. ------->

Controversial Chelsea is at it again

Just like anything we humans believe, the root of the particular ideal started as a story told by someone to someone else which was told to that someone by another somebody else and so on and back and back until the story's creation. Even the tale of Jesus Christ was written down and described by multiple people to develop into the life of Christ that thousands of people around the world wordship and know to be the foundation of their lives today. "Jesus died for your sins" - so you keep on sinning. "Mary was a virgin" - so you have to be until marriage. "Jesus understands your pain" - okay he walked during a time we no longer exist in and which not one person from 2009 could function normally living in on a day to day basis (now we have deeper problems like poverty, pollution, addiction, the list goes on - and WWJD? He hadn't even scratched the surface during his time). On that same token, some theorists argue that the idea of religion is based upon fables meant to keep order in societies. Same with the idea of heaven and hell. If you do sin, you will burn in the fiery pits of hell. If you do good and don't lie, cheat, steal, adulterate, disrespect, and so on and so forth, you will go to heaven and live blissfully on a cloud for eternity.

As children we formulate what is right and wrong, true and false, here and there based upon the tellings of our parents, teachers and elders - but mainly our parents. From the get go we are lead to believe in one thing over another. Is that right? As humans, aren't we given the option of free will? The Bible says so. The Torah says so. The Koran says so. So then why are parents all over the world instilling ideas that are mere possibilities into the fresh minds of their children? Do we want our children to discover life and think for themselves or to be followers willing to believe anything they hear in order to be accepted into a group?

As an independent person, tride and true, I am reluctant to say that when I have children, they will be Jewish or Catholic even though I was raised in a Jewish household with touches of Catholicism. I'm in my mid 20's andI don't follow either religion. I haven't been to synagogue in like 3 years. The last time I was in Church was to honor my brother's life because a particular Mass was dedicated to him. That was last year. I'm not going to Church on Christmas. I didn't go on Thanksgiving. I'm not getting married in one. I don't know what I believe, but I was lucky enough to have two parents who didn't jam religion down my throat. There are many cultures that embody religion from birth til death and in which questioning faith is a sin and may result in damnation or even death. Who am I to judge those particular cultures? Unfortunately, we live in a world which thrives upon judgements which is ironic because isn't the only real judge God, as they say.

I'm being very skeptical and controversial because that's what happens to me during this time of year, every year. At Christmastime I always ponder its purpose. I always ask myself, "why am I celebrating a holiday that I don't believe in?" I may not believe in a parents right to mold a belief system. But I do know the answer to my own ponderings... I would rather spend a day giving from my heart, spending quality time, laughing, rejoicing, eating, drinking, talking, playing and BELIEVING in the one thing I know exists....my family.

Movie Review: 500 Days of Summer

I totally have a crush on Joseph Gordon-Levitt after checking this one out. He's a cutie, but in a more manly way than his teeny film era self i.e. 10 Things I Hate About You. Not to say he wasn't bodacious-ish then - just hadn't grown into his full hot self yet. But about the movie (haha)...I wasn't overwhelmingly into it but I'll keep it positive because I have a good feeling about it overall.

The story line worked for me for a few reasons. First of all, it was interesting to look at a dating stereotype flipped around. We have Summer, played by the fabulous Zooey Deschanel, as the heroine - and I literally mean that she was Tom's (played by J.G.L - I'm abbreviating, I don't want to type it out every time) heroin, as in the drug. She isn't into the relationship thing and Tom definitely is. He's the typical romantic guy, fighting for love and getting suckered into falling for the one girl he could never have. Summer was pretty out-and-out about her intentions for her relationship with Tom. She was upfront with him about her issues with titles and hangups about love, but she carried on intimacy, spent quality time with him and let down her walls with him. So she did lead him on and let the love grow one-sided (and she knew it too).

The acting was great from J.G.L. I wasn't entirely impressed with Zooey in this one but I still think she's incredibly talented and you can't help but appreciate the female lead choice. She's cute as a button. Ideally, the director could have sorted this one out chronologically, but he chose back tracks and flash forwards in a perfectly random order throughout...you guessed it...500 days. I think it made this simple romantic jaunt more intriguing to view. It kept me guessing. During the scene where she is "letting down her walls," I was for sure she was going to hang up her hangups the next day. But then there were simpler scenes like the "Ringo Starr" record moment. She basically rolls her eyes at him which made me think she thought he was a bit ridiculous. The marriage thing I never saw coming. I was surprised mainly because I felt bad for poor Tommy. I would feel sad for myself as well. Knowing that the person I loved couldn't be with me because he didn't want to be in a relationship with me but would with someone else that he met when he was romantically involved wtih me - yea, time to call my therapist.

The ending was nice and hopeful as Tom moved from Summer into "Autumn." I liked it. Overall, I'll give it 3.5 out of 5 Kraft Mac & Cheese boxes. I use the rating scale as such because Kraft Mac & Cheese is my favorite food and I may or may not be having a craving for it right now. I'll let you tell me which one it is ;) Also, the star is getting a bit boring. I'm over it.

These Coming Weeks

Apartment lease signed...check.
Mattress picked out/deposit put down...check.
Room packed up...okay, well that's still a work in progress.
From there it just gets a little hazy. With the holidays around the corner I've got to admit, I am feeling a bit somber at the thought of spending a lot of quality time with friends and family and then just days later having to leave them. This experience is much different than the other moves I've made because I always went away with the notion that I would be coming back. Whether that time lasted 3 weeks of 6 months, it wouldn't last much more than that. But now, I am actually packing up everything that belongs to me and trekking it across the nation to Los Angeles. Obviously I wouldn't pack up and leave everything I know and love if I wasn't sure that I could handle it and love it, even if I had to learn to. Believe me, I know what it means to learn to love a place you are living. For example, although London was amazing and the experience was unforgettable, it did take me about 2 months to settle in and finally feel comfortable and actually enjoy the aspects of the city. Everyone probably thought that I loved every minute of it, but it was difficult. It was hard to be on my own in a completely different culture let alone continent, knowing absolutely no one, all the while having to get my own job and house. I learned a lot - mostly about myself. For example, I learned that I rush into things. I get scared and I panic that I won't find what is best for me, and instead I just choose the first thing I come across because it is available. Maybe it's just my excitable nature, which is fine. But it almost makes me feel contradictory because I am a full believer in never settling and always going for what you want even if you don't get it, at least you tried.

So anyways, I am stoked! Christina and I are really excited to move into our new home...it's adorable, by the way. My mom's first choice! I'm so glad she came with us - she's a very smart person, especially when it comes to signing contracts and asking all of the necessary questions. So here's how I know that I'm doing the right thing by moving....I thought about every aspect of what this would entail not just a year ago but almost 2 years ago. While living in London I actually did think about where I would want to live when I got back. Knowing me, I would be vigorously searching for a new relocation destination. This is just who I am...a vagabond, someone who needs to feel the changes and go with the flow to feel normal. Even if I just had a feeling about something, and then actually go for it. Yes, even if thast means moving thousands of miles away, at least my free spirit would be honored and I could be me. But back to the topic at hand. I know I am making the right decision for the following reasons (in addition to having thought about this for 2 years). I know because I actually sat down and said, "this is where I want to go, I'll figure it out when I get there." Now, you are probably thinking, what no plan?! Well, every time I've made a plan I've wanted to back out. So if I learn from my mistakes and go somewhere allowing things to just happen to me, I can't set myself up for failure. So other than taking the time out to find an apartment, driving around the city just to see what I will be living in, and picking out a mattress, the rest is being left to the moving Gods.

When I get there, having no children, husband or other commitments back here to keep me, I can do whatever the fuck I want. Feels good! I don't have to worry about the Visa expiring or the job sucking or the bad roommate situation back in Chicago. By the way, another reason I am who I am today is because of my life-long anti-filtering campaign - boo fucking hoo. The moral of the story is, whether you think I'm completely out of control for constantly moving around or that I'm running away or that I'm wasting money...you don't walk in my shoes and you don't have any room to judge. One life, people. Live it.

P.S. While I'm looking out over the shores of the Pacific ocean you will be 4 feet deep in snow.

I adore the simpliticy of these lyrics

Twenty-two summers
And I hope You'll have a hundred more
Colors of this roof
Will always follow

I hope we meet in the end
With wrinkles like the divas
And we'll dance again and again
In the end
In the end
oh oh oh

Days and months and years
In cities people love and fear
Make out wherever she's out drinking
Always be ?

I hope we meet in the end
With wrinkles like the divas
And we'll dance again and again
In the end
In the end
oh oh oh

I hope we meet in the end
With wrinkles like the divas
And we'll dance again and again
In the end
In the end
oh oh oh

I hope we meet in the end
With wrinkles like the divas
And we'll dance again and again
In the end
In the end
oh oh oh

In The End by Ida Maria

Tiger: A Porno Waiting to Happen

If you haven't heard today's news then you must be a pipe-dwelling mouse with no access to news mediums and a very small brain (but don't worry, you have that tail). It appears as though Tiger is into hoes. Not very shocking. We've got models, club owners, wannabe starlets, and now "escorts." I love that word "escort." At one point in time that word meant companion or Friday night date and now it involves a bit more than playing a little game of "Just the Tip." Apparently, Tiger is into it. Now what really interests me is that, Michelle Braun, the owner of this escort service, claims that her business closed last year after running into personal legal troubles. Hmmm I wonder why! You own an escort service, chicky. Unbelievable.

Twits of Tinsel Town - First Edition

Oh media, how you amaze me! We all have those celebs we love to hate, but there comes a point when you really question the objective of their existence in the spotlight. I often ask myself, why have these morons been chosen out of 300+ million people to represent our country's standards of entertainment worth? It is disheartening that people with pointless and annoying positions make millions of dollars doing absolutely nothing! And shame on you, America, for buying into it!! I'm not a perfect person, but come on Hollywood...why??? The following people not only annoy the shite out of me, but make no qualms about their shameless existence either.

Paris Hilton
Need I say more?











Mary Murphy
Look at this picture! Does this not make your skin crawl? Now, I pray you have never actually listened to Mary Murphy speak before. But if you have, this picture says it all - annoying, loud and obnoxious. I've never actually seen Mary Murphy dance before, but she is a judge on So You Think You Can Dance, so I guess that makes her important, but literally everything she says involves a high pitched almost Southern mama cooking up bacon and grits in the kitchen type of roar. Mary, we can hear you. Tone it down a notch. I mean, I guess she could have worse attributes. I just can't help but feel like I'm being assaulted while watching a fun show! Not cool, Murphy. If you want to hear what I'm talking about, just click on Scary Mary.


Ann Coulter
This woman is proof that you can pretty much insult any culture, person, belief or any human right in general, and not only get famous for it, but have civilians site you as a credible and watch-worthy source. Sure, she's skinny and blond and seems wholesome. But the minute she opens her mouth you want to go out to the first PetSmart and buy her a muzzle. I don't hate her because she is the rebel of the Conservative persuasion. I just find her accusations of liberal and innovative ideals to be really harsh and poorly backed-up. I mean, this was the woman who said, "We just want Jews to be perfected, as they say," while arguing that it would be better if we were all Christians. First of all, Ann, Jews run much of your industry, and we're still putting you on the air - be grateful, not hateful. Bitch. Click on Ann to experience her idiotic verbal assault on humanity.


More to come manana!!

Dear Tiger

I have to do this:

Dear Tiger,
Thank you so very much for helping 7 billion people stupify themselves this week. While the marketplace is still a failure, the war in Afghanistan in full effect allowing for thousands of brave soldiers to lose their lives and while millions of poverty-stricken people all over the world are turning tricks just to feed their kids - you disrupt the flow of the world with the most idiotically planned infidelity scheme this year. The fact that you thought your illicit affairs would fly under the radar for years to come makes me realize that you are more dumb than John Edwards, Elliot Spitzer and Jude Law put together. You are the most famous athlete in the world, with a combined worth of over $500 mllion. What makes you think your scandal wouldn't get out? You have a beautiful and devoted wife, adorable children, an incomperable career and more money than God....and still that's not enough. It's just sad that you have officially fucked up your children for the rest of their lives, not to mention that your marriage will never be the same. Oh, and that voicemail message that slut #3 publicized, you really sounded like you felt bad - NOT. Cause you didn't, douchebag. Get over yourself. You should be thanking Jesus, Mary and Joseph that your endorsements are still in tact. Clearly, as an athlete you are a force to be reckoned with, but as a person, you blow ass. Thanks for ruining my favorite news programs for me. Merry effing Christmas.

Love,
Chelsea

Wow. That felt good.

Moving Realizations

One of my favorite pastimes is driving through the Illinois countryside on a fall day. The sun doesn’t have to be shining; it doesn’t even have to be mildly warm. As long as I have my tunes blaring and a wide open space to clear my mind, the day will be my idea of perfection. I’ll truly miss that feeling in LA. Not to say that LA doesn’t have its share of breathtaking scenery. I’m sure I will find enjoyment in taking long drives all over California, but I am a born and bred mid-Western girl with a deep appreciation for the country. I’m a blend of values and innocence from the land of vast corn fields and pastures and sassy smarts from city life. One day I could be perfectly fine with a book and a view to enjoy it by, and then a day later have the need for bustling, traffic filled streets, thousands of faces to pass and an evening of dancing and drinks to celebrate life in.

**Just some thoughts as the days grow closer to the biggest move of my life!

Who Am I?

I don't remember where I was or who I was with, my age, or my state of mind, but I will never forget once hearing a mother of three say to me, "I don't remember my life before I had children."

To me, a single, working, intelligent, 24-year-old American woman, that statement is completely foreign...except for one part:

"I don't remember my life before..."

That part is crystal clear.

Here I sit, August 26th, 2009, exactly 9 months and 9 days since the seminal event of my life occured. Those words have never been more familiar. I look at pictures of myself from a few years ago and I don't even recognize myself. I look at my "friends" - who are they? I don't remember them. It looks like we were having a lot of fun. Where we?

When I look in the mirror, I see someone who is tired and a bit worn out, but on the upside, pretty sure of herself. I don't wear makeup anymore unless I'm going out on a Friday or Saturday night, because I just don't give a shit if my blemishes show or if my eye lashes are noticeable enough. I'm not dressed to impress. I wear leggings all the time now, not jeans, because I never liked jeans, how they looked on me, or how denim felt against my skin. My stomach hasn't been right for a while now, but I keep eating cheese and carbs because I love it.

If you were to ask me a question, any question, I would know how to answer it. Not because I have practiced answering it in my mind, but because I just know. I know who I am. It feels good to say that, but it feels pretty shitty to say why. I'm not saying I know everything about life. I definitely know a lot, at least about who I am and who I want to be. Self assurance isn't natural, it comes from experiences, memories, hardships, old friends, new friends, love, loss, and everything in between. It's easy to fake self-assurance. I used to do it all the time. It was my shield. But really, at night, I'd cry because I hated myself. Now that I love myself, I never cry for self-pity, only sadness of other forces that cannot be reckoned with.

I was just talking to one of my best friends about loss. Not losing someone as in death, but losing a relationship. I lost a few friends this year. People that I thought would be there for me through anything. And if you were to ask them, I'm sure they'd tell you that they were there. Physically, yes, they showed up, but mentally and emotionally and patiently...no. I will always believe that Alex was sending me a sign when my friendships ended. Because now, I wake up and I don't feel like I have to prove myself to anyone anymore. When I talk to my friends (the ones who stick around), it's not as if I'm talking to my friend, it's as if I am talking to my family. I don't have to walk on eggshells anymore. That's a really good feeling. I have this one friend, who will remain nameless, who farts in front of me constantly. And these farts aren't gentle, these are the Serenghetti of farts, the Mount Kilimanjaro of human waste expulsion. So she farts around me and I hate it, but every time she does it I am so glad she feels that she is able to do that around me. It's a good feeling to know someone feels completely themself around you because then you can reciprocate and not even think about it!

I'm tired now. It's been a long day. But I keep keepin' on as I always do.