Some of the babble that escapes my mouth starts with "my therapist says." I noticed it last night when I was talking to Erin. I started off a couple sentences with "well my therapist says that..." and then she laughed at me. I dont' think it's that funny but I can understand the humor in it. It's like a movie or t.v. show where they talk about their therapy experience and it doesn't seem realistic to bring up in normal conversation - but I do it anyway. So here's the backstory on therapy in my life.
I started seeing therapists when I was 9 years old. Most of my close friends know that. I have not a speck of shame in it and I think most of my friends should be very thankful for mental medical geniuses for getting to me before I was a lost cause. That sounds horrible but it's true. I don't even want to think about the person I would be today if it wasn't for childhood counseling. People who don't know me so well think that sounds absolutely ridiculous. And for good reason - why would a 9 year old go to therapy? It's a pretty relavent question. It's like a teenager getting a boob job. Her body is not yet fully developed so she could potentially grow a full cup size until she has reached her growth peak - let alone the fact that getting a boob job at 16 is absolutely insane in my mind and any parent who would purchase fake tits for their teenage daughter should not be a parent (unless the procedure was breast reduction surgery or for a medical condition).
The point is that a 9 year old's brain is still growing and developing. So I can understand why most people would find the situation absurd. But let me tell you, if it wasn't for my mother putting me in therapy when I was child I could potentially be beyond reparable. I have chemical imbalance on both sides of my family and for different reason. The chances of me having a disorder or serious problems is probably higher for me than for others. I have gone through many things in my 23 years that are a result of instances that have occurred when I was a child combined with my chemical makeup. In order to understand the origins of habits or character traits one needs to understand who they are and why they do the things they do.
There has never been a year in my life (since I was 9) where I haven't gone to therapy at least once. It is expensive (insurance definitely doesn't cover it ) and I understand why people don't have a therapist that they refer to on a regular basis - but for me, without having therapy I would be a completly different person, I wouldn't be so self-aware, and I wouldn't have the close relationships that I have. So I'm absolutely not embarrassed to say that I'm in therapy. I'm fucked up, but now I know why and I know what I need to do to have balance in my life.
There are things I know I can work on. I guess, we all can. For example, I know that sometimes I have trouble relaxing. I should probably be on anxiety medication, but there is something about being uptight sometimes that gives me sanity. I don't know how to exist in this world without simple unique characteristics that I live with everyday that to some people may seem maniacal. It makes me who I am. Another example of a problem I have is being a control freak. It's a fact that I have to at least have some control of every sitaution. I won't go into it, but this attribute has shaped many relationship I've had with men or lack their of. But I know that and until I find someone who is willing to be patient with me in order to be who I am while giving him the patience for him to be who he is to make our relationship work, I will just be a dater and a friend.
When I am rich and am able to afford to spend more things on other people, I am going to give my friends the gift of therapy. My children will all be in therapy too one day. Because I might get divorced a couple of times. I hope not, but ya know, life will do that to you - throw you under the bus. But at least I'll know how I can help myself to get through it and overcome it.
Thank you therapists across the world for doing what you do!!!
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Old habits die hard...
As a twentysomething living in the 21st century I don't think that I am alone in feeling that understanding our economy is quite the challenge. Today I sat through a meeting at work about how the economy is effecting the local and global marketplace. An abundance of terms were thrown at us that were not explained well (in my eyes). Okay, obviously the market is in the shitter right now. But there has got to be a way to explain exactly what is going on to people who didn't get their Bachelor's Degree in Finance or spent a huge chunk of their careers at the Chicago Board of Trade or on Wall Street.
From my understanding, lack of information is one of the major problems contributing to the bailout. Information is power, and apparantly what the public doesn't know can get them into deep financial dispair. I don't plan on purchasing a home withing the next two years (I may need to wait at least 10 years at this rate) but I now know that in order to do so I need to be heavily advised on terms like "credit freeze" and "short sale," etc.
I also think that it's important to understand the terms of the bailout passed last week and what we should expect, as the future leaders of this country, to do in order to change our spending habits so that this NEVER happens again. I do not want my children reaping what we have sewn. I want my children to be able to save the money they earn, understand how credit history effects getting a loan for college, how to balance a check book, and how to invest wisely. Even I still want to be able to get a loan for grad school! This will never happen unless we try to open our eyes as Generation Y. There are some people in this country that need to be educated as though they were a 5 year old, on how the economy and the global marketplace works. Taking econ in high school is one thing. Knowing the basics is important. But it seems like each year requires re-education about the current marketplace.
The world has become greedier and more ambitious with money or money-making. Generation Y is developing habits set by our current example-setters (our parents, our leaders, etc.). We are told from a young age to follow our dreams. At some point in time, our dreams became unfathomable monstrosities of evil. The things that matter the most to us are things that we don't need. America is an incredible country and an entreprenurial powerhouse. It was founded upon that basis. In 10 years time I hope to maintain that statement. But I fear that the one thing to keep us down is this continuous cycle of bad habits.
From my understanding, lack of information is one of the major problems contributing to the bailout. Information is power, and apparantly what the public doesn't know can get them into deep financial dispair. I don't plan on purchasing a home withing the next two years (I may need to wait at least 10 years at this rate) but I now know that in order to do so I need to be heavily advised on terms like "credit freeze" and "short sale," etc.
I also think that it's important to understand the terms of the bailout passed last week and what we should expect, as the future leaders of this country, to do in order to change our spending habits so that this NEVER happens again. I do not want my children reaping what we have sewn. I want my children to be able to save the money they earn, understand how credit history effects getting a loan for college, how to balance a check book, and how to invest wisely. Even I still want to be able to get a loan for grad school! This will never happen unless we try to open our eyes as Generation Y. There are some people in this country that need to be educated as though they were a 5 year old, on how the economy and the global marketplace works. Taking econ in high school is one thing. Knowing the basics is important. But it seems like each year requires re-education about the current marketplace.
The world has become greedier and more ambitious with money or money-making. Generation Y is developing habits set by our current example-setters (our parents, our leaders, etc.). We are told from a young age to follow our dreams. At some point in time, our dreams became unfathomable monstrosities of evil. The things that matter the most to us are things that we don't need. America is an incredible country and an entreprenurial powerhouse. It was founded upon that basis. In 10 years time I hope to maintain that statement. But I fear that the one thing to keep us down is this continuous cycle of bad habits.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Friday, October 3, 2008
Gettin' under my skin...and into my organs
It's been 11 whole days since I've added to my blog and let me tell ya, it's been quite a full 11 days. Other than only having 1 day off of work in a total of 13 days, I've been spending A LOT of time with my friends. I spent 5 months away from my girls, so spending time with them is crucial! I miss girl talk, confessions, bitch fests or just throwin' back a couple of beers and watching the Bears or the Cubbies. Speaking of the Cubbies, I'm not gonna lie I'm very dissappointed, but not too surprised at their performance thus far in the first round of the playoffs. I say "thus far" because I am trying to remain positive in lieu of Saturday's game. I'm a little nervous, but the Cubbies have pulled out of some tough spots before. They need to win three in a row. Chicago is a pretty tough town to impress and during these economically depressing times we all need something to give us some hope!
I'll tell ya who's not giving me much hope these days - Governer Sarah Palin. I mean, let's be honest, the woman can't have a normal conversation without saying something either politically incorrect or factually bananas. Speaking of saying stupid shit, I found a very interesting web page entitled Top 10 Dumbest Sarah Palin Quotes. As someone who is truly interested in and concerned with politics I find it extremely frightening that our next president may end up being a self proclaimed "hockey mom" or my personal favorite a "Joe six pack American." Who says that? So out of thes top 10 ridiculously orroneous quotes, I was repulsed by one imparticular. Ironically, it wasn't the most boneheaded thing she said, but it did baffle me. I consider myself religiously confused and as someone who uses the terms "Oh, my God" and "Jesus Christ" on a regular basis (in addition to sinning often and in other ways) you can tell that I'm not planning on having an easy breezy Judgement Day. This is what she said:
"Pray for our military men and women who are striving to do what is right. Also, for this country, that our leaders, our national leaders, are sending soldiers out on a task that is from God. That's what we have to make sure that we're praying for, that there is a plan and that that plan is God's plan."
-Sarah Pailn, on the Iraq war, speaking to students at the Wasilla Assembly of God, June 2008
Okay so basically Governor Palin is saying that this whole war is God's will? Ummm, I don't know if I'm understanding this correctly or not. I'm not sure, but if there is a God (and I hope there is because heaven sounds nice), isn't he suppossed to bring upon peace, love and understanding? I'm pretty sure that the Pope would have a hard time convincing himself that the war in Iraq is God's will. I'm also pretty sure that the rest of the world - or, all of the people that I met when I was traveling - find the war repulsive and a waste of money and human lives. Oh, by the way, most of the people who expressed these opinions to me were people that worshipped at least one God. I thank God every time I pray that there are people in this world (yes, world - we often forget that there are many military forces from all regions of the world fighting) willing to die for the war on terrorism. I think that John McCain is an incredible politician, certainly a master of foreign affairs and a war hero that we all should respect and admire. However, when is enough gonna be enough? I thought that the war was initially to find the terrorists and nuclear weapons. Terrorism is an unsurmountable threat as we are all aware but here we are 8 years later, thousands of lives later with the biggest financial crisis since the great depression on our shoulders, and we are still spending millions upon millions of dollars towards this war and apparantly this is all God's will? Wake up lady, God is not floating around in that desert telling David Petraeus "keep it up, we're winning ."
I don't know if I'm the only one who thinks this, but Sarah Palin's interview with Katie Couric on CBS was horrifying to watch. How I felt watching that interview is how I would feel about watching an 80 year old woman strip - embarrassing, akward and then it just gets to the point where it's sad. All poor Katie Couric was attempting to do was to find out exactly where Governor Palin stands on pressing issues that America faces. I'm confident that as the Vice President of this country, there are quite a few crucial components you need to fully understand and expand on. She did not convince me in the slightest that she had a clue at all about foreign policy, climate change, avoiding future Wall Street meltdowns, or even simply understanding her own running mate's reforms on banking and economics.
I loooooooooooooove this quote...
"We all live in a climate, Katie, and it changes. If you read the Bible there are some serious climate changes going on during that busy six days. In Alaska we feel the effects of climate change everyday. It's getting warmer for polar bears, so they won't need such thick coats. I guess we all have to adapt."
I think she forgot that our climate crisis, like the war, was not God-created, but man created. Imagine that. And also, I think it was on the fifth and sixth days that actual living, breathing species were created. AFTER, the heavens and the earth. AFTER, the water separation. AFTER the dry ground. AFTER the sun, moon and stars. So I think the polar bears were all set at that point. I could go on but I almost threw up in my mouth again.
Even if you are a Palinite and adore her for her good looks, charm and annoying as hell accent I would hope that you could just admit that the interview with Katie Couric (or her entire defense of her right to become the next Vice President) was not her shining moment. I'll even get the ball rolling to say that she did great during the debate against Joe Biden. Now you try....
I'll tell ya who's not giving me much hope these days - Governer Sarah Palin. I mean, let's be honest, the woman can't have a normal conversation without saying something either politically incorrect or factually bananas. Speaking of saying stupid shit, I found a very interesting web page entitled Top 10 Dumbest Sarah Palin Quotes. As someone who is truly interested in and concerned with politics I find it extremely frightening that our next president may end up being a self proclaimed "hockey mom" or my personal favorite a "Joe six pack American." Who says that? So out of thes top 10 ridiculously orroneous quotes, I was repulsed by one imparticular. Ironically, it wasn't the most boneheaded thing she said, but it did baffle me. I consider myself religiously confused and as someone who uses the terms "Oh, my God" and "Jesus Christ" on a regular basis (in addition to sinning often and in other ways) you can tell that I'm not planning on having an easy breezy Judgement Day. This is what she said:
"Pray for our military men and women who are striving to do what is right. Also, for this country, that our leaders, our national leaders, are sending soldiers out on a task that is from God. That's what we have to make sure that we're praying for, that there is a plan and that that plan is God's plan."
-Sarah Pailn, on the Iraq war, speaking to students at the Wasilla Assembly of God, June 2008
Okay so basically Governor Palin is saying that this whole war is God's will? Ummm, I don't know if I'm understanding this correctly or not. I'm not sure, but if there is a God (and I hope there is because heaven sounds nice), isn't he suppossed to bring upon peace, love and understanding? I'm pretty sure that the Pope would have a hard time convincing himself that the war in Iraq is God's will. I'm also pretty sure that the rest of the world - or, all of the people that I met when I was traveling - find the war repulsive and a waste of money and human lives. Oh, by the way, most of the people who expressed these opinions to me were people that worshipped at least one God. I thank God every time I pray that there are people in this world (yes, world - we often forget that there are many military forces from all regions of the world fighting) willing to die for the war on terrorism. I think that John McCain is an incredible politician, certainly a master of foreign affairs and a war hero that we all should respect and admire. However, when is enough gonna be enough? I thought that the war was initially to find the terrorists and nuclear weapons. Terrorism is an unsurmountable threat as we are all aware but here we are 8 years later, thousands of lives later with the biggest financial crisis since the great depression on our shoulders, and we are still spending millions upon millions of dollars towards this war and apparantly this is all God's will? Wake up lady, God is not floating around in that desert telling David Petraeus "keep it up, we're winning ."
I don't know if I'm the only one who thinks this, but Sarah Palin's interview with Katie Couric on CBS was horrifying to watch. How I felt watching that interview is how I would feel about watching an 80 year old woman strip - embarrassing, akward and then it just gets to the point where it's sad. All poor Katie Couric was attempting to do was to find out exactly where Governor Palin stands on pressing issues that America faces. I'm confident that as the Vice President of this country, there are quite a few crucial components you need to fully understand and expand on. She did not convince me in the slightest that she had a clue at all about foreign policy, climate change, avoiding future Wall Street meltdowns, or even simply understanding her own running mate's reforms on banking and economics.
I loooooooooooooove this quote...
"We all live in a climate, Katie, and it changes. If you read the Bible there are some serious climate changes going on during that busy six days. In Alaska we feel the effects of climate change everyday. It's getting warmer for polar bears, so they won't need such thick coats. I guess we all have to adapt."
I think she forgot that our climate crisis, like the war, was not God-created, but man created. Imagine that. And also, I think it was on the fifth and sixth days that actual living, breathing species were created. AFTER, the heavens and the earth. AFTER, the water separation. AFTER the dry ground. AFTER the sun, moon and stars. So I think the polar bears were all set at that point. I could go on but I almost threw up in my mouth again.
Even if you are a Palinite and adore her for her good looks, charm and annoying as hell accent I would hope that you could just admit that the interview with Katie Couric (or her entire defense of her right to become the next Vice President) was not her shining moment. I'll even get the ball rolling to say that she did great during the debate against Joe Biden. Now you try....
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