Expect the Unexpected

In my short 25 years I've learned one very valuable lesson that has saved me hours upon hours of stress and anxiety - especially over the last couple of years. That lesson is this:

You cannot just expect things from people. When you do, even slightly, you give that person the opportunity to let you down.

Okay, so I know that because it's coming from me it doesn't sound very shocking because I'm the queen of "face saving" and "putting walls up." I know, I know...I'm working on it :) I learned it from my mother - thanks mom! But without the thick skin, the things I've done, people I've met and endeavors that I will take on would/will never exist. The reason I bring this up is because we would all love for things to just work out, people to be genuine and the world to right itself when it feels off kilter.

For example, when my close friends confide in me, which has been happening a lot lately, I  listen, never judge and just really try to put myself in their shoes. Additionally, I try to relay the information that has been bestowed upon me. I don't necessarily consider myself wise, but I've been through a few shit storms. Unfortunately, it takes a lot more than giving someone advice for that person to really grasp what you are saying. Stay tuned for next week's blog about people who always love to bitch about their problems but never do anything about them! Oh yea, that's gonna be a good one.

Anyways, it's going to take a very heartfelt experience, often resulting in a broken heart or loss of friendship or something that will greatly affect you to the point where you allow yourself the option to be free of expectations. Believe me, it's a very sad realization. How unfortunate it is that we cannot rely on our own hope or good will of people? But the truth is that most people are selfish. And why shouldn't they be? It's like a viscious circle. Once you are hurt by someone, what do you do? You self preserve and use your defense mechanisms to get through it. That usually results in you shutting down a bit and slowly you learn to put yourself first. I don't mean that you never think about others, but at least in my life, I have just come to the point where my own self appreciation comes ahead of the feelings of others. And I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing. You are with yourself for the rest of your life...learn to love the day to day :)

I have heard from several older and thus wiser friends that your 20's are pretty damn hard. Your comfort zones are virtually non-existent. You go out into the world blindly and on your own  (well some of us), hoping for the best. Get it....hoping! We are all hoping for simplicity or love or success (whatever that may mean to you). And sometimes we fall flat on our asses. But eventually we have to pick ourselves up again and walk on.

So maybe it's about learning to live with ourselves in a world full of unanswered questions. I find that very liberating. I know many people who don't feel comfortable with the unknown. And that's okay too. We are all different. But, we have to start realizing that everything isn't going to just "work out." Some things we will have to give up on, but not everything! So I guess what I'm trying to say is love yourself by learning about yourself first. Take everything in. Do something crazy. Date someone you normally wouldn't. Observe and maybe one day we'll be able to expect more :) That's what I hope at least.

the end.

GRASPing Tightly Everyday!

My mother and I were fortunate enough to have had lunch this past Saturday with a very amazing lady, Denise Cullen. Denise's son Jeff suffered a long battle with substance abuse addiction and very tragically died in August of 2009. Her experience with Jeff's addiction and her own career as a medical and clinical social worker have both greatly contributed to her current endeavor as the new director of national foundation, GRASP (Grief Recovering After a Substance Passing). During our afternoon with Denise we were able to share stories and through our time together I truly felt like I had made a new friend!

There are currently 12 GRASP groups throughout the nation. Only 12! That's not many at all especially when you consider the amount of addicted people there are in this country. So I'm going to do my part and start an LA chapter. I'm hoping that I'll have some support from the locals - there are 9 million of them!

Just wanted to share :) I'm really excited.