Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Life after death...
There are certain moments in life that define who we are and dictate who we will become. These moments usually happen while we are making life plans and these moments bring our daily existence to a screeching halt. All in one second my life changed so profoundly that I could barely grasp it. On Sunday, December 15th I was flying home from L.A. I was on the last flight of two from Minneapolis to Chicago. There were about 15 people on the flight dressed in business suits waiting for the last passenger - me - to board the plane. My flight from LA got in late because of a delay so I had to sprint across the airport to a completely different terminal where I barely made my last flight. I was so pissed off because I couldn't get a hold of my brother, Alex, who was suppossed to be picking me up. I was trying to call him all day and both my parents said that they were having a hard time getting a hold of him as well. I got on the plane and noticed that the last 20 rows were empty but I still sat in my assigned seat. The only person I noticed upon entering the plane was this twentysomething, crazy-haired, five o'clock shadowed guy. The flight attendant came back and asked, "Do you want to move up to the front with the other passengers? I responded with, "No, I want to even out the weight." She laughed and then I laughed, but I think she knew I was enjoying the solitude. The flight was only 45 minutes long so I took my IPOD out of my bag, shut the light and stared out of the window at the bright lights. I wondered if the lights were visible from space. They seemed so remarkable only 7,000 feet above the earth. The flight went by quickly and before I knew it we had landed at Chicago O'Hare Airport. As I was exiting the plane, the crazy-haired guy whom I noticed before said hi to me. We started talking about the weather in L.A. and how devastating it is to come back to the freezing Chicago bliizzard. There were two things we had in common. The first one was that we both lived in London. He currently lives there and I lived there for 5 months this year. He is attending clown school. I found that hillarious and really interesting. He even had a red circle nose neclace that he wore around his neck. As we were walking to the baggage claim I discovered the second thing we had in common. He stuck out his hand in effort to shake mine and said "I'm Alex." I don't remember why but I felt like I'd known him my whole life. So I said "That's my brothers name! I never meet anyone named Alex. I'm Chelsea." He mentioned that he needed to find a pay phone to call his mother for a ride. I offered my cell phone because, well why not? As suspected, my bag didn't show up when I did so I put in a report with the nwa baggage agent who told me that I would be receiving my bag when it arrived in Chicago. Alex came in and gave me my phone back and I told him to have a nice holiday. He said the same to me. I finally got in touch with my dad who insisted on coming in to get me. I found that a little odd since he could simply pull up to the curb outside. But I didn't think twice. As he was walking in he looked as if he had been crying. When we got outside he said "mom and Joyce are in the car." Immediately I knew that something was wrong. It was 12:30 at night. He started to cry and I remember looking through the car wind-shield where I saw Joyce crying. That's when I knew. My brother was dead. Obviously it was more mortifying when actually happening. I don't remember doing anything other than screaming and crying. I couldn't believe it. I still can't believe it. When I asked them how, they told me honestly and as best as they could. My mother found him and he was already at the coroner's office. Since that moment my life has not made any sense. The places I go and have gone to regularly, the people I know, the songs on the radio and the feeling of freedom has been replaced with indescribable sorrow, anger, fear, depression, lack of understanding, disorientation, perplexion, and grief. My brother was 20 years old and he was killed by a drug overdose - something so preventable, so emasculating. I still think he's gonna walk in the door, even after being alone in a room with his with his beautiful face that appeared as if he were sleeping and his cold, muscular body completely relaxed. Even after watching his casket slowly lowered into the ground. Even after visiting his grave 3 times this week. Even after tears and hugs and sleepless nights. Even after the prayers and the condolence calls and the rememberance and the investigating - I still think he's coming back because I'm not ready to say goodbye. I'm not a religious person, but I have to feel like he's in heaven. There would be no where else for him. I can't believe that you die and that's it because he had such soul. It was not until the third day after his death that I remembered meeting a guy named Alex 15 minutes before I found out my brother died. Life happens mysteriously, without warning or reason. But I know that there is life after death. Even if life seems unbearable and confusing as it does now, I do know that it goes on. It's only been 9 days since that moment, and I am still alive but I am a different person completely because I can't be the same person without him. He was the other half of me. I don't feel whole anymore. I just feel tired and uncertain of life ahead. Life does not make sense as it did before. But there is life after death.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Our Thanksgiving - awkward but worth it
Each November 27th, American families gather together to celebrate the age old tradition of giving thanks. We live in selfish times, not necessarily brought upon by greed or ambition, but as a result of the economic downturn which has caused us hard-working Americans to put our care-free spirits on hold (for hopefully just a little while) to focus on providing for ourselves and our families. Truth be told, we have put our God-given rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness on the backburner. And it kind of sucks. But on Thanksgiving, a heartfelt reverence always seems to capture us as we drive or fly from all over the world to be with our loved ones.
We have much to be thankful for despite what the media portrays. Sometimes our economic and political woes make us forget our good fate. To be a citizen from the land of the free and the home of the brave, where people from all over the world have settled for over 3oo years in pursuit of a better, fulfilling and free life is a human right that 300 million people are granted with. Every American family celebrates Thanksgiving differently than the next one. Some Americans whose ancestors came from Italy turn their feast into cucina Roma serving eggplant parmagiana or a simple spaghetti dinner. Some Indian-Americans fill their houses with the sweet smell of curry while Scottish Americans substitute turkey for haggis or Greek-Americans replace mashed potatoes and gravy with moussaka. Despite our current global conditions, we maintain admiration for our heritage through sharing Thanksgiving together as the pilgrims and the Native American Indians once did.
This year, my mother found a terrific program through a local Church enabling us to share Thanksgiving with new Americans who are not yet familiar with our traditions. It has become our small family’s ritual to volunteer during the holidays. Since our party totals a whopping three people, additions to our feast are rare but make for interesting conversation. This year, an adoring family of four new Americans joined our holiday. Natives of Bhutan, which lies between China and India, they moved to Nepal where they spent the past 15 years. The father worked in a corn factory, the mother was the homemaker and the children attended school and enjoyed sports like soccer and volleyball. On paper they weren’t too far off from what I would consider an enjoyable life. However, when they walked into our home, they were immediately in awe of our simple Suburban townhome which most Americans would consider far from glamorous. It was difficult to tell whether they were scared, humbled or indifferent.
Since I am the traveled and open-minded Laliberte, I was obviously intrigued by them. I wanted to hear their stories. I wanted to learn something new. Unfortunately the language barrier made it quite difficult to communicate. Their quiet nature and generous demeanors prevented us from having the conversations we would normally enjoy having, so we refrained from taboo topics and focused on the awkward silence in our dining room. As the evening progressed, the elephant in the room slowly crept it’s was into view. For me to feel awkward around people is extremely rare.
I had to keep reminding myself that we are doing what us Jews call a mitzvah, a good deed. Despite the awkward silences and different eating habits, the whole point of the day was to volunteer our time and money so that a new American family could see what a Thanksgiving was really like. If they had been at another family’s house I’m sure it would have been a completely different experience. After our evening of unrealized interrogation on this poor family, they finally asked us a question. The son looked at my mother and asked “where is the father?” My mother didn’t know how to explain to him that she is no longer married to our father and that although we see him and love him, he lives at another house (let alone that my brother and I have a half-sister and are very close with her mother’s family). How was she to explain the dynamics of our American home? So she simply said, “He doesn’t live here.” The family snickered to one another, put away their smiles and seemed almost puzzled. It was in that moment I was reminded that America is a place where the norms are the differences. It’s a place where the ability to live life does not have to be as a result of religion or duty. It’s a place where anything is possible and any option is a human choice and right.
This experience is one I will never forget. I hope our refugee family discovered that like their family, we have a small clan but we are a kind family who loves one another. No matter where you live, what you do, or where you have been, the ability to love and give thanks is universal.
Happy Thanksgiving!
We have much to be thankful for despite what the media portrays. Sometimes our economic and political woes make us forget our good fate. To be a citizen from the land of the free and the home of the brave, where people from all over the world have settled for over 3oo years in pursuit of a better, fulfilling and free life is a human right that 300 million people are granted with. Every American family celebrates Thanksgiving differently than the next one. Some Americans whose ancestors came from Italy turn their feast into cucina Roma serving eggplant parmagiana or a simple spaghetti dinner. Some Indian-Americans fill their houses with the sweet smell of curry while Scottish Americans substitute turkey for haggis or Greek-Americans replace mashed potatoes and gravy with moussaka. Despite our current global conditions, we maintain admiration for our heritage through sharing Thanksgiving together as the pilgrims and the Native American Indians once did.
This year, my mother found a terrific program through a local Church enabling us to share Thanksgiving with new Americans who are not yet familiar with our traditions. It has become our small family’s ritual to volunteer during the holidays. Since our party totals a whopping three people, additions to our feast are rare but make for interesting conversation. This year, an adoring family of four new Americans joined our holiday. Natives of Bhutan, which lies between China and India, they moved to Nepal where they spent the past 15 years. The father worked in a corn factory, the mother was the homemaker and the children attended school and enjoyed sports like soccer and volleyball. On paper they weren’t too far off from what I would consider an enjoyable life. However, when they walked into our home, they were immediately in awe of our simple Suburban townhome which most Americans would consider far from glamorous. It was difficult to tell whether they were scared, humbled or indifferent.
Since I am the traveled and open-minded Laliberte, I was obviously intrigued by them. I wanted to hear their stories. I wanted to learn something new. Unfortunately the language barrier made it quite difficult to communicate. Their quiet nature and generous demeanors prevented us from having the conversations we would normally enjoy having, so we refrained from taboo topics and focused on the awkward silence in our dining room. As the evening progressed, the elephant in the room slowly crept it’s was into view. For me to feel awkward around people is extremely rare.
I had to keep reminding myself that we are doing what us Jews call a mitzvah, a good deed. Despite the awkward silences and different eating habits, the whole point of the day was to volunteer our time and money so that a new American family could see what a Thanksgiving was really like. If they had been at another family’s house I’m sure it would have been a completely different experience. After our evening of unrealized interrogation on this poor family, they finally asked us a question. The son looked at my mother and asked “where is the father?” My mother didn’t know how to explain to him that she is no longer married to our father and that although we see him and love him, he lives at another house (let alone that my brother and I have a half-sister and are very close with her mother’s family). How was she to explain the dynamics of our American home? So she simply said, “He doesn’t live here.” The family snickered to one another, put away their smiles and seemed almost puzzled. It was in that moment I was reminded that America is a place where the norms are the differences. It’s a place where the ability to live life does not have to be as a result of religion or duty. It’s a place where anything is possible and any option is a human choice and right.
This experience is one I will never forget. I hope our refugee family discovered that like their family, we have a small clan but we are a kind family who loves one another. No matter where you live, what you do, or where you have been, the ability to love and give thanks is universal.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Thursday, November 13, 2008
And the Fat Lady Sang the Most Glorious Song
Post-Election Thoughts…
1) Propaganda Lives
During the coverage of election night I found myself switching from channel to channel. I couldn’t help myself. The contradictions between major stations were adamant and fully represented to the point of hilarity. Whether you regularly tune in to a specific station or flipped on the tube to simply seek any form of election coverage, the media contradictions and differences were clear and concise, but not objective as is the essence of journalism.
Media is and always will be a form of propaganda. Swaying the public is key; keeping the nation focused on pertinent issues should be the goal. However, when it comes to personal identification with a candidate’s policies and ideals the root of the decision-making process comes solely from reflection, empiricism and morality. We live in a conformist society. From atheists to anarchists, non-conformists are also swayed in their beliefs via media outlets, research and personal vendettas. No matter what the belief, we are a mentally and socially controlled country. This election only fueled that notion.
2) Boneheaded comments are bound to be made. So save yourself the humiliation and angst from friends and family by just shutting the hell up.
The morning after the election I (along with the others who were so generously added) received a very expected text message from a friend of mine. The text message read:
“Welcome to a ‘fairer and more just America,’ (aka the Soviet Union), where working hard will get you what is FAIR and not what you EARNED. So much for freedom.”
Upon reading this text, an outburst of laughter erupted from me throat. I was floored that someone would actually send out a mass text message with an excerpt of such stupidity and un-Americanism although it did include a bit of irony. Democrat or Republican, Christian or Agnostic, black, white, green, yellow, purple or pink, the last thing America needs is negativity.
We’ve voted, and we all know the outcome. Barack Obama or John McCain aside, the leader of the free world has a tall order to uphold. Some would say for the order to be the tallest we’ve ever encountered. Making stupid remarks that have not a speck of cohesion – i.e. that our freedoms will be taken away and that we will become a Communist country – are child-like and unwanted. No matter which candidate you voted for, the outcome is what it is. Barack Obama is our president-elect and will be the President of this country come January 20, 2009. Face the facts. Get over it. Get on board or leave!
3) There are some who will surprise you.
I have a very close friend who is uber-conservative. Her views are not a product of ignorance or hatred. Her views stem from heredity, experience and environment. There are many comments I have seen her make in the past regarding issues of race and culture that I find repugnant. I do respect her immensely because she is an incredible person all-around. We normally do steer clear of the political topics in conversation but during this election I felt that commenting was necessary. In my eyes, talking about it is far more important than avoiding the argument. To have beliefs requires you to at least understand viewpoints that oppose your own.
In this election, open-mindedness was absolutely crucial. This election is a matter of our families, our futures, our money, our health, our unity and our sanity – it’s not a time to sit back and allow decisions to be made for us.
Anyway, my election week ended on a positive note. This very close friend of mine and I went out for coffee and at the end of our conversation I asked her if she was upset about the election results. Her response was expected – “Well, I don’t really have a choice at this point.” And she’s right. I realized that I had a copy of The Audacity of Hope by Barack Obama in my car. No, I did not plan that. I was actually about to read it again in the spirit of the outcome. So I excused myself from the table, grabbed the book from my car, came back and said “well if you don’t have a choice, would you like to educated yourself on what type of policies are about to be considered?” I didn’t tell her the context of the book. This book wasn’t really a mission statement or a glorified representation of policy. This book is exactly what its title suggests, a message of hope from a hopeful person.
If the election turned out the way you hoped as I did – yaaa hooo!!! We did it! Change prevails! Challenge yourself to take a look at the current administration’s mistakes. But, also realize that we are still here because of some of their decisions. Does the sun still shine? Can you still put gas in your vehicle? Can you still speak you mind and express yourself? Yes. Yes. Yes. In my world these things are possible, but there are thousands of less fortunate people who cannot say the same thing. That’s why I voted the way I did. We can all come together as a country and allow hard-working, HOPEFUL people to regain the successes dreamed of or lost.
If the election didn’t turn out the way you hoped it would I urge you to open your mind to new ideas. These ideas come from a positive place. These ideas come from a man who comes from simple beginnings and seeks the same things that all of us seek – happiness, love and naturally, freedom. Bipartisanship will be crucial and we need to work together to actually make Barack Obama's presidency a success. So let's look past the differences and look towards the future so that our children won't have to pick up the pieces that we're picking up for these morons in Washington. Amen.
1) Propaganda Lives
During the coverage of election night I found myself switching from channel to channel. I couldn’t help myself. The contradictions between major stations were adamant and fully represented to the point of hilarity. Whether you regularly tune in to a specific station or flipped on the tube to simply seek any form of election coverage, the media contradictions and differences were clear and concise, but not objective as is the essence of journalism.
Media is and always will be a form of propaganda. Swaying the public is key; keeping the nation focused on pertinent issues should be the goal. However, when it comes to personal identification with a candidate’s policies and ideals the root of the decision-making process comes solely from reflection, empiricism and morality. We live in a conformist society. From atheists to anarchists, non-conformists are also swayed in their beliefs via media outlets, research and personal vendettas. No matter what the belief, we are a mentally and socially controlled country. This election only fueled that notion.
2) Boneheaded comments are bound to be made. So save yourself the humiliation and angst from friends and family by just shutting the hell up.
The morning after the election I (along with the others who were so generously added) received a very expected text message from a friend of mine. The text message read:
“Welcome to a ‘fairer and more just America,’ (aka the Soviet Union), where working hard will get you what is FAIR and not what you EARNED. So much for freedom.”
Upon reading this text, an outburst of laughter erupted from me throat. I was floored that someone would actually send out a mass text message with an excerpt of such stupidity and un-Americanism although it did include a bit of irony. Democrat or Republican, Christian or Agnostic, black, white, green, yellow, purple or pink, the last thing America needs is negativity.
We’ve voted, and we all know the outcome. Barack Obama or John McCain aside, the leader of the free world has a tall order to uphold. Some would say for the order to be the tallest we’ve ever encountered. Making stupid remarks that have not a speck of cohesion – i.e. that our freedoms will be taken away and that we will become a Communist country – are child-like and unwanted. No matter which candidate you voted for, the outcome is what it is. Barack Obama is our president-elect and will be the President of this country come January 20, 2009. Face the facts. Get over it. Get on board or leave!
3) There are some who will surprise you.
I have a very close friend who is uber-conservative. Her views are not a product of ignorance or hatred. Her views stem from heredity, experience and environment. There are many comments I have seen her make in the past regarding issues of race and culture that I find repugnant. I do respect her immensely because she is an incredible person all-around. We normally do steer clear of the political topics in conversation but during this election I felt that commenting was necessary. In my eyes, talking about it is far more important than avoiding the argument. To have beliefs requires you to at least understand viewpoints that oppose your own.
In this election, open-mindedness was absolutely crucial. This election is a matter of our families, our futures, our money, our health, our unity and our sanity – it’s not a time to sit back and allow decisions to be made for us.
Anyway, my election week ended on a positive note. This very close friend of mine and I went out for coffee and at the end of our conversation I asked her if she was upset about the election results. Her response was expected – “Well, I don’t really have a choice at this point.” And she’s right. I realized that I had a copy of The Audacity of Hope by Barack Obama in my car. No, I did not plan that. I was actually about to read it again in the spirit of the outcome. So I excused myself from the table, grabbed the book from my car, came back and said “well if you don’t have a choice, would you like to educated yourself on what type of policies are about to be considered?” I didn’t tell her the context of the book. This book wasn’t really a mission statement or a glorified representation of policy. This book is exactly what its title suggests, a message of hope from a hopeful person.
If the election turned out the way you hoped as I did – yaaa hooo!!! We did it! Change prevails! Challenge yourself to take a look at the current administration’s mistakes. But, also realize that we are still here because of some of their decisions. Does the sun still shine? Can you still put gas in your vehicle? Can you still speak you mind and express yourself? Yes. Yes. Yes. In my world these things are possible, but there are thousands of less fortunate people who cannot say the same thing. That’s why I voted the way I did. We can all come together as a country and allow hard-working, HOPEFUL people to regain the successes dreamed of or lost.
If the election didn’t turn out the way you hoped it would I urge you to open your mind to new ideas. These ideas come from a positive place. These ideas come from a man who comes from simple beginnings and seeks the same things that all of us seek – happiness, love and naturally, freedom. Bipartisanship will be crucial and we need to work together to actually make Barack Obama's presidency a success. So let's look past the differences and look towards the future so that our children won't have to pick up the pieces that we're picking up for these morons in Washington. Amen.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Therapize Your Life
Some of the babble that escapes my mouth starts with "my therapist says." I noticed it last night when I was talking to Erin. I started off a couple sentences with "well my therapist says that..." and then she laughed at me. I dont' think it's that funny but I can understand the humor in it. It's like a movie or t.v. show where they talk about their therapy experience and it doesn't seem realistic to bring up in normal conversation - but I do it anyway. So here's the backstory on therapy in my life.
I started seeing therapists when I was 9 years old. Most of my close friends know that. I have not a speck of shame in it and I think most of my friends should be very thankful for mental medical geniuses for getting to me before I was a lost cause. That sounds horrible but it's true. I don't even want to think about the person I would be today if it wasn't for childhood counseling. People who don't know me so well think that sounds absolutely ridiculous. And for good reason - why would a 9 year old go to therapy? It's a pretty relavent question. It's like a teenager getting a boob job. Her body is not yet fully developed so she could potentially grow a full cup size until she has reached her growth peak - let alone the fact that getting a boob job at 16 is absolutely insane in my mind and any parent who would purchase fake tits for their teenage daughter should not be a parent (unless the procedure was breast reduction surgery or for a medical condition).
The point is that a 9 year old's brain is still growing and developing. So I can understand why most people would find the situation absurd. But let me tell you, if it wasn't for my mother putting me in therapy when I was child I could potentially be beyond reparable. I have chemical imbalance on both sides of my family and for different reason. The chances of me having a disorder or serious problems is probably higher for me than for others. I have gone through many things in my 23 years that are a result of instances that have occurred when I was a child combined with my chemical makeup. In order to understand the origins of habits or character traits one needs to understand who they are and why they do the things they do.
There has never been a year in my life (since I was 9) where I haven't gone to therapy at least once. It is expensive (insurance definitely doesn't cover it ) and I understand why people don't have a therapist that they refer to on a regular basis - but for me, without having therapy I would be a completly different person, I wouldn't be so self-aware, and I wouldn't have the close relationships that I have. So I'm absolutely not embarrassed to say that I'm in therapy. I'm fucked up, but now I know why and I know what I need to do to have balance in my life.
There are things I know I can work on. I guess, we all can. For example, I know that sometimes I have trouble relaxing. I should probably be on anxiety medication, but there is something about being uptight sometimes that gives me sanity. I don't know how to exist in this world without simple unique characteristics that I live with everyday that to some people may seem maniacal. It makes me who I am. Another example of a problem I have is being a control freak. It's a fact that I have to at least have some control of every sitaution. I won't go into it, but this attribute has shaped many relationship I've had with men or lack their of. But I know that and until I find someone who is willing to be patient with me in order to be who I am while giving him the patience for him to be who he is to make our relationship work, I will just be a dater and a friend.
When I am rich and am able to afford to spend more things on other people, I am going to give my friends the gift of therapy. My children will all be in therapy too one day. Because I might get divorced a couple of times. I hope not, but ya know, life will do that to you - throw you under the bus. But at least I'll know how I can help myself to get through it and overcome it.
Thank you therapists across the world for doing what you do!!!
I started seeing therapists when I was 9 years old. Most of my close friends know that. I have not a speck of shame in it and I think most of my friends should be very thankful for mental medical geniuses for getting to me before I was a lost cause. That sounds horrible but it's true. I don't even want to think about the person I would be today if it wasn't for childhood counseling. People who don't know me so well think that sounds absolutely ridiculous. And for good reason - why would a 9 year old go to therapy? It's a pretty relavent question. It's like a teenager getting a boob job. Her body is not yet fully developed so she could potentially grow a full cup size until she has reached her growth peak - let alone the fact that getting a boob job at 16 is absolutely insane in my mind and any parent who would purchase fake tits for their teenage daughter should not be a parent (unless the procedure was breast reduction surgery or for a medical condition).
The point is that a 9 year old's brain is still growing and developing. So I can understand why most people would find the situation absurd. But let me tell you, if it wasn't for my mother putting me in therapy when I was child I could potentially be beyond reparable. I have chemical imbalance on both sides of my family and for different reason. The chances of me having a disorder or serious problems is probably higher for me than for others. I have gone through many things in my 23 years that are a result of instances that have occurred when I was a child combined with my chemical makeup. In order to understand the origins of habits or character traits one needs to understand who they are and why they do the things they do.
There has never been a year in my life (since I was 9) where I haven't gone to therapy at least once. It is expensive (insurance definitely doesn't cover it ) and I understand why people don't have a therapist that they refer to on a regular basis - but for me, without having therapy I would be a completly different person, I wouldn't be so self-aware, and I wouldn't have the close relationships that I have. So I'm absolutely not embarrassed to say that I'm in therapy. I'm fucked up, but now I know why and I know what I need to do to have balance in my life.
There are things I know I can work on. I guess, we all can. For example, I know that sometimes I have trouble relaxing. I should probably be on anxiety medication, but there is something about being uptight sometimes that gives me sanity. I don't know how to exist in this world without simple unique characteristics that I live with everyday that to some people may seem maniacal. It makes me who I am. Another example of a problem I have is being a control freak. It's a fact that I have to at least have some control of every sitaution. I won't go into it, but this attribute has shaped many relationship I've had with men or lack their of. But I know that and until I find someone who is willing to be patient with me in order to be who I am while giving him the patience for him to be who he is to make our relationship work, I will just be a dater and a friend.
When I am rich and am able to afford to spend more things on other people, I am going to give my friends the gift of therapy. My children will all be in therapy too one day. Because I might get divorced a couple of times. I hope not, but ya know, life will do that to you - throw you under the bus. But at least I'll know how I can help myself to get through it and overcome it.
Thank you therapists across the world for doing what you do!!!
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Old habits die hard...
As a twentysomething living in the 21st century I don't think that I am alone in feeling that understanding our economy is quite the challenge. Today I sat through a meeting at work about how the economy is effecting the local and global marketplace. An abundance of terms were thrown at us that were not explained well (in my eyes). Okay, obviously the market is in the shitter right now. But there has got to be a way to explain exactly what is going on to people who didn't get their Bachelor's Degree in Finance or spent a huge chunk of their careers at the Chicago Board of Trade or on Wall Street.
From my understanding, lack of information is one of the major problems contributing to the bailout. Information is power, and apparantly what the public doesn't know can get them into deep financial dispair. I don't plan on purchasing a home withing the next two years (I may need to wait at least 10 years at this rate) but I now know that in order to do so I need to be heavily advised on terms like "credit freeze" and "short sale," etc.
I also think that it's important to understand the terms of the bailout passed last week and what we should expect, as the future leaders of this country, to do in order to change our spending habits so that this NEVER happens again. I do not want my children reaping what we have sewn. I want my children to be able to save the money they earn, understand how credit history effects getting a loan for college, how to balance a check book, and how to invest wisely. Even I still want to be able to get a loan for grad school! This will never happen unless we try to open our eyes as Generation Y. There are some people in this country that need to be educated as though they were a 5 year old, on how the economy and the global marketplace works. Taking econ in high school is one thing. Knowing the basics is important. But it seems like each year requires re-education about the current marketplace.
The world has become greedier and more ambitious with money or money-making. Generation Y is developing habits set by our current example-setters (our parents, our leaders, etc.). We are told from a young age to follow our dreams. At some point in time, our dreams became unfathomable monstrosities of evil. The things that matter the most to us are things that we don't need. America is an incredible country and an entreprenurial powerhouse. It was founded upon that basis. In 10 years time I hope to maintain that statement. But I fear that the one thing to keep us down is this continuous cycle of bad habits.
From my understanding, lack of information is one of the major problems contributing to the bailout. Information is power, and apparantly what the public doesn't know can get them into deep financial dispair. I don't plan on purchasing a home withing the next two years (I may need to wait at least 10 years at this rate) but I now know that in order to do so I need to be heavily advised on terms like "credit freeze" and "short sale," etc.
I also think that it's important to understand the terms of the bailout passed last week and what we should expect, as the future leaders of this country, to do in order to change our spending habits so that this NEVER happens again. I do not want my children reaping what we have sewn. I want my children to be able to save the money they earn, understand how credit history effects getting a loan for college, how to balance a check book, and how to invest wisely. Even I still want to be able to get a loan for grad school! This will never happen unless we try to open our eyes as Generation Y. There are some people in this country that need to be educated as though they were a 5 year old, on how the economy and the global marketplace works. Taking econ in high school is one thing. Knowing the basics is important. But it seems like each year requires re-education about the current marketplace.
The world has become greedier and more ambitious with money or money-making. Generation Y is developing habits set by our current example-setters (our parents, our leaders, etc.). We are told from a young age to follow our dreams. At some point in time, our dreams became unfathomable monstrosities of evil. The things that matter the most to us are things that we don't need. America is an incredible country and an entreprenurial powerhouse. It was founded upon that basis. In 10 years time I hope to maintain that statement. But I fear that the one thing to keep us down is this continuous cycle of bad habits.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Friday, October 3, 2008
Gettin' under my skin...and into my organs
It's been 11 whole days since I've added to my blog and let me tell ya, it's been quite a full 11 days. Other than only having 1 day off of work in a total of 13 days, I've been spending A LOT of time with my friends. I spent 5 months away from my girls, so spending time with them is crucial! I miss girl talk, confessions, bitch fests or just throwin' back a couple of beers and watching the Bears or the Cubbies. Speaking of the Cubbies, I'm not gonna lie I'm very dissappointed, but not too surprised at their performance thus far in the first round of the playoffs. I say "thus far" because I am trying to remain positive in lieu of Saturday's game. I'm a little nervous, but the Cubbies have pulled out of some tough spots before. They need to win three in a row. Chicago is a pretty tough town to impress and during these economically depressing times we all need something to give us some hope!
I'll tell ya who's not giving me much hope these days - Governer Sarah Palin. I mean, let's be honest, the woman can't have a normal conversation without saying something either politically incorrect or factually bananas. Speaking of saying stupid shit, I found a very interesting web page entitled Top 10 Dumbest Sarah Palin Quotes. As someone who is truly interested in and concerned with politics I find it extremely frightening that our next president may end up being a self proclaimed "hockey mom" or my personal favorite a "Joe six pack American." Who says that? So out of thes top 10 ridiculously orroneous quotes, I was repulsed by one imparticular. Ironically, it wasn't the most boneheaded thing she said, but it did baffle me. I consider myself religiously confused and as someone who uses the terms "Oh, my God" and "Jesus Christ" on a regular basis (in addition to sinning often and in other ways) you can tell that I'm not planning on having an easy breezy Judgement Day. This is what she said:
"Pray for our military men and women who are striving to do what is right. Also, for this country, that our leaders, our national leaders, are sending soldiers out on a task that is from God. That's what we have to make sure that we're praying for, that there is a plan and that that plan is God's plan."
-Sarah Pailn, on the Iraq war, speaking to students at the Wasilla Assembly of God, June 2008
Okay so basically Governor Palin is saying that this whole war is God's will? Ummm, I don't know if I'm understanding this correctly or not. I'm not sure, but if there is a God (and I hope there is because heaven sounds nice), isn't he suppossed to bring upon peace, love and understanding? I'm pretty sure that the Pope would have a hard time convincing himself that the war in Iraq is God's will. I'm also pretty sure that the rest of the world - or, all of the people that I met when I was traveling - find the war repulsive and a waste of money and human lives. Oh, by the way, most of the people who expressed these opinions to me were people that worshipped at least one God. I thank God every time I pray that there are people in this world (yes, world - we often forget that there are many military forces from all regions of the world fighting) willing to die for the war on terrorism. I think that John McCain is an incredible politician, certainly a master of foreign affairs and a war hero that we all should respect and admire. However, when is enough gonna be enough? I thought that the war was initially to find the terrorists and nuclear weapons. Terrorism is an unsurmountable threat as we are all aware but here we are 8 years later, thousands of lives later with the biggest financial crisis since the great depression on our shoulders, and we are still spending millions upon millions of dollars towards this war and apparantly this is all God's will? Wake up lady, God is not floating around in that desert telling David Petraeus "keep it up, we're winning ."
I don't know if I'm the only one who thinks this, but Sarah Palin's interview with Katie Couric on CBS was horrifying to watch. How I felt watching that interview is how I would feel about watching an 80 year old woman strip - embarrassing, akward and then it just gets to the point where it's sad. All poor Katie Couric was attempting to do was to find out exactly where Governor Palin stands on pressing issues that America faces. I'm confident that as the Vice President of this country, there are quite a few crucial components you need to fully understand and expand on. She did not convince me in the slightest that she had a clue at all about foreign policy, climate change, avoiding future Wall Street meltdowns, or even simply understanding her own running mate's reforms on banking and economics.
I loooooooooooooove this quote...
"We all live in a climate, Katie, and it changes. If you read the Bible there are some serious climate changes going on during that busy six days. In Alaska we feel the effects of climate change everyday. It's getting warmer for polar bears, so they won't need such thick coats. I guess we all have to adapt."
I think she forgot that our climate crisis, like the war, was not God-created, but man created. Imagine that. And also, I think it was on the fifth and sixth days that actual living, breathing species were created. AFTER, the heavens and the earth. AFTER, the water separation. AFTER the dry ground. AFTER the sun, moon and stars. So I think the polar bears were all set at that point. I could go on but I almost threw up in my mouth again.
Even if you are a Palinite and adore her for her good looks, charm and annoying as hell accent I would hope that you could just admit that the interview with Katie Couric (or her entire defense of her right to become the next Vice President) was not her shining moment. I'll even get the ball rolling to say that she did great during the debate against Joe Biden. Now you try....
I'll tell ya who's not giving me much hope these days - Governer Sarah Palin. I mean, let's be honest, the woman can't have a normal conversation without saying something either politically incorrect or factually bananas. Speaking of saying stupid shit, I found a very interesting web page entitled Top 10 Dumbest Sarah Palin Quotes. As someone who is truly interested in and concerned with politics I find it extremely frightening that our next president may end up being a self proclaimed "hockey mom" or my personal favorite a "Joe six pack American." Who says that? So out of thes top 10 ridiculously orroneous quotes, I was repulsed by one imparticular. Ironically, it wasn't the most boneheaded thing she said, but it did baffle me. I consider myself religiously confused and as someone who uses the terms "Oh, my God" and "Jesus Christ" on a regular basis (in addition to sinning often and in other ways) you can tell that I'm not planning on having an easy breezy Judgement Day. This is what she said:
"Pray for our military men and women who are striving to do what is right. Also, for this country, that our leaders, our national leaders, are sending soldiers out on a task that is from God. That's what we have to make sure that we're praying for, that there is a plan and that that plan is God's plan."
-Sarah Pailn, on the Iraq war, speaking to students at the Wasilla Assembly of God, June 2008
Okay so basically Governor Palin is saying that this whole war is God's will? Ummm, I don't know if I'm understanding this correctly or not. I'm not sure, but if there is a God (and I hope there is because heaven sounds nice), isn't he suppossed to bring upon peace, love and understanding? I'm pretty sure that the Pope would have a hard time convincing himself that the war in Iraq is God's will. I'm also pretty sure that the rest of the world - or, all of the people that I met when I was traveling - find the war repulsive and a waste of money and human lives. Oh, by the way, most of the people who expressed these opinions to me were people that worshipped at least one God. I thank God every time I pray that there are people in this world (yes, world - we often forget that there are many military forces from all regions of the world fighting) willing to die for the war on terrorism. I think that John McCain is an incredible politician, certainly a master of foreign affairs and a war hero that we all should respect and admire. However, when is enough gonna be enough? I thought that the war was initially to find the terrorists and nuclear weapons. Terrorism is an unsurmountable threat as we are all aware but here we are 8 years later, thousands of lives later with the biggest financial crisis since the great depression on our shoulders, and we are still spending millions upon millions of dollars towards this war and apparantly this is all God's will? Wake up lady, God is not floating around in that desert telling David Petraeus "keep it up, we're winning ."
I don't know if I'm the only one who thinks this, but Sarah Palin's interview with Katie Couric on CBS was horrifying to watch. How I felt watching that interview is how I would feel about watching an 80 year old woman strip - embarrassing, akward and then it just gets to the point where it's sad. All poor Katie Couric was attempting to do was to find out exactly where Governor Palin stands on pressing issues that America faces. I'm confident that as the Vice President of this country, there are quite a few crucial components you need to fully understand and expand on. She did not convince me in the slightest that she had a clue at all about foreign policy, climate change, avoiding future Wall Street meltdowns, or even simply understanding her own running mate's reforms on banking and economics.
I loooooooooooooove this quote...
"We all live in a climate, Katie, and it changes. If you read the Bible there are some serious climate changes going on during that busy six days. In Alaska we feel the effects of climate change everyday. It's getting warmer for polar bears, so they won't need such thick coats. I guess we all have to adapt."
I think she forgot that our climate crisis, like the war, was not God-created, but man created. Imagine that. And also, I think it was on the fifth and sixth days that actual living, breathing species were created. AFTER, the heavens and the earth. AFTER, the water separation. AFTER the dry ground. AFTER the sun, moon and stars. So I think the polar bears were all set at that point. I could go on but I almost threw up in my mouth again.
Even if you are a Palinite and adore her for her good looks, charm and annoying as hell accent I would hope that you could just admit that the interview with Katie Couric (or her entire defense of her right to become the next Vice President) was not her shining moment. I'll even get the ball rolling to say that she did great during the debate against Joe Biden. Now you try....
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
London Calling...
My life has been more ''go with the flow'' lately than I'm used to. Moving home has been interesting. Living in London was an amazing experience. It's hard to explain what it was like because there were so many elements to it that made it everything it was and ultimately made me want to come home. London lifestyle is completely different than anywhere I have ever been. These are the top three things that I miss about London:
1) FASHION
Never in my life have I had the opportunity to meet people from literally everywhere in the world. It was great because I didn't meet any Americans! I mean that in the most positive way. Most Americans I met were clueless tourists who spent more time bitching than actually sight-seeing or enjoying themselves. Such a shame!
aussies.
the french.
My flatmate Heloise is so French she doesn't even know it. She smokes, drinks, eats loads of carbs, dresses impecably and still looks like a gorgeous swan - as you can see from this picture. By the way, the rumors are totally true. The French are devout romantics. The speak le pasion. They love to love and they are very horny. They are also very smart but don't really like other cultures invading their turf. I've been to Paris and had an awesome experience with French people although I have heard to the contrary. I guess it just depends on the person. They are very protective of their history and culture which makes them more refined to me. And all of them are freaking gorgeous. That's all I have to say about the French.
1) FASHIONVivienne Westwood, Alexander McQueen, Stella McCartney. Three high fashion designers that I cannot afford. All English. I would dress up just to go to these boutiques and check out the stores. It's amazing to me that people today can actually afford a t-shirt for $300. I miss walking down Regent Street or High Street Kensington and seeing the crazy get-ups people would be wearing. My favorite London stores were Primark - where everything is ridiculously cheap, TopShop and my all time favorite - ALL SAINTS!! I loved walking through All Saints. The store is incredibly over-priced but is so fashion forward it's unbelievable. I also miss Europe H&M. It makes American H&M look like Abercrombie. The dress I'm wearing in the pic to the left is from H&M and I wear it all the time. It's so comfortable! And the accesories I got from Primark. I also love UK French Connection. They know how to dress women. I miss seeing gorgeous women wearing leggings or dark denim with knee high suede or riding boots. I miss high waist mini skirts and crazy vintage pattern dresses. I miss seeing men in fitted, tailored business suits. I miss the crazy hats and nail polish colors and unkept hair. I miss shopping at Portobello Market. I have come out of living in London with a definite sense of personal style which includes shopping and dressing for my body type. My motto is ''if it feels good then that's halfway to it looking good on.'' The other half meaning it actually looks good. Please don't apply that motto to all life situations. You might be terribly dissappointed.
2) THE PEOPLE OF THE WORLD
Never in my life have I had the opportunity to meet people from literally everywhere in the world. It was great because I didn't meet any Americans! I mean that in the most positive way. Most Americans I met were clueless tourists who spent more time bitching than actually sight-seeing or enjoying themselves. Such a shame!
aussies.Melanie and Sam are two of the coolest people I've ever met.
They
are from Cambera (the capital city) and Brisbane in Australia. I can assure you that they do love Vegemite as much as the rumors suggest (as you can see from the pic of Mel and Lisa). Although America and Australia have similar cultures, I can assure you that Australians certainly value different things. Like water. Australia has a water drought which has resulted in a national dependency on bottled water. I've never seen in Australian not finish their water. It makes me realize how lucky I am to have water at my disposal and has definitely made me more resource-conscious. Also, there is this chain of bars in London called The Walkabout. It is an Australasisan bar that Australians, Kiwis and South Africans flock towards to in my opinion find comfort in their alocholism. I have never felt more violated or dirty in London except when I am at a Walkabout. Oh and I'm convinced that 98% of Australian men who surf are ridiculously gorgeous.
are from Cambera (the capital city) and Brisbane in Australia. I can assure you that they do love Vegemite as much as the rumors suggest (as you can see from the pic of Mel and Lisa). Although America and Australia have similar cultures, I can assure you that Australians certainly value different things. Like water. Australia has a water drought which has resulted in a national dependency on bottled water. I've never seen in Australian not finish their water. It makes me realize how lucky I am to have water at my disposal and has definitely made me more resource-conscious. Also, there is this chain of bars in London called The Walkabout. It is an Australasisan bar that Australians, Kiwis and South Africans flock towards to in my opinion find comfort in their alocholism. I have never felt more violated or dirty in London except when I am at a Walkabout. Oh and I'm convinced that 98% of Australian men who surf are ridiculously gorgeous. the french.
My flatmate Heloise is so French she doesn't even know it. She smokes, drinks, eats loads of carbs, dresses impecably and still looks like a gorgeous swan - as you can see from this picture. By the way, the rumors are totally true. The French are devout romantics. The speak le pasion. They love to love and they are very horny. They are also very smart but don't really like other cultures invading their turf. I've been to Paris and had an awesome experience with French people although I have heard to the contrary. I guess it just depends on the person. They are very protective of their history and culture which makes them more refined to me. And all of them are freaking gorgeous. That's all I have to say about the French.the natives.
Although the natives (people from London) are few and far between, I found them to be either lovely and fun or completely ignorant and rude. Londoners are always on the go. Business is everything in London, so most of the people I knew were lawyers, investors, traders, ITs, marketers or producers. I only became close to a few people from London. They were all really great, fun and sweet people. London boys are all about having a good time. Get a few drinks going and they are good to go as you can see from this lovely picture of Jules and Sam. 
They are a bit hard to read when in comes to the dating scene. I only really almost fell for one London boy, and he was quite the charmer, but he left for the Caribbean and I couldn't really bare to go back to London boys after that because the impression was so severe. So I jumped over to Latin men which is why I will not write about them. All I will say is that sensuality is in their blood and that they are very persistent (almost stalker-like). Anyways, back to the natives. The midlanders were awesome! By the end of my time in England I could tell a Birmingham accent from a Hull accent or a Newcastle accent from a Manchester accent. People from the country were just so sweet. They live so simply and cherish the simplicity of their lives.
There are thousands of people from all walks of life roaming around London. The French and the Aussies and the natives were the cultures I spent most of my time getting to know.
3) NIGHTLIFE
London has a unique energy to it. Here's the deal. It's not like America where bars are open until 2 or 3 am. The bars in London close at 11:30 on weekends and 10:30 on week nights. So you can imagine how frustrating it was for me when I was forced to go to clubs. I don't really like clubs. I tried to blend in, I tried to see the fun in it, but it just gave me a headache and a bad attitude from getting hit on by deviants. I don't really like house music or doing drugs or really crazy lighting. The normal thing to do is go to a house party or throw your own (as we often did at the Clapham house) and then head out to what I like to call dancebars. My favorite bar for this activity was People's Republic in Clapham Common (other than Zoo Bar in Leicester Square which I know is cheesy but really fun) where the bar would be open until 3 am like all of the clubs but it would play normal music and it felt like you were actually in a bar and not a rave. Yes, I kind of worked it all out for my advantage. Also, if you go out with a group that includes guys, they will buy drinks and will not even let you try to help out. They will track you all night to make sure each drink you get is not purchased by a woman or yourself. Oh how I miss the chivalry of English men. American boys can learn a thing or too. The other great thing about partying in the city where public transport is all that is available - people rarely drive or even have access to a car - is taking THE NIGHT BUS!!! The night bus saved me from spending 40 GPBs (that's $80) on cabs from one end of the city to the other. After you figure out the geography of the city and know which buses go where, it's so easy to get around after hours. You meet the most interesting people too. Yes, half of them are intoxicated but hey, so am I.
There are so many other things about London, but those were my top 3. I'm missed London a lot today. I had to share :)
Friday, September 19, 2008
Let's get physical....or not.
Most people who know me are very aware that if any part of my day involves physical activity I will try to avoid it at all costs. Now, I completely respect and admire people who enjoy working out. I was inspired by one of my dearest friends, Lindsay (who like me expresses her experiences via blog), to comment on this phenomenon that has taken over the world called ''working out.'' Now first, let's break down the term.
According to dictionary.com, to work means ''exertion or effort directed to produce or accomplish something; labor; toil.'' Now, the first word that jumps out at me in this definiton is TOIL. In my brain, toil refers directly to pain and personal anguish. So right off the bat the verb to work is automatically associated with excessive negativity. Also, when we as humans look at the word work or associate ourselves with the word, there is an overwhelmingly negative feeling about it. Let's face it, no one likes to work. Most people wish that going to work was like a spa day everyday. Most people would rather be passionate about their work. Even the people who make 6 figures a year don't necessarily love their job, but when they are making enough money to fly to St. Lucia for a weekend getaway (disclaimer: this is unrealistic, especially with our current economic situation) then I don't think working overtime really requires an ''i hate my job, i hate my life'' bitch fest with your therapist. So unless me working out is going to get me a private jet to Bali with P. Diddy and then I get to makeout (the PG version of what I would really do) with Adam Levine from Maroon 5 (he's my dream man), it sounds like a ''NO GO'' to me.
Now the word out can mean a variety of things. According to dictionary.com, the term out when used as an adverb means ''away from, or not in, the normal or usual place, position.'' In my life, the usual/normal places I exist include my bed, my car, my desk at work, the same spot I take up at Caribou Coffee (they have free wi-fi, how could i not spend most of my downtime there?), sometimes at Melissa's house, the movie theater, my sisters' house or a nearby local establishment/bar. I don't think a gym or even a basement with a personal gym falls in the category of ''places I normally exist in.'' So automatically, it's out of my comfort zone. To elab (that's an abbrievation for elaborate and I use this term a lot), here's what happens when I go to the gym:
1) I walk in and am immediately bombarded by a sea of tabloid hot people (think multiple Paris Hilton and Matthew McConaughey wannabe's). I'm not really too fond of narcicists, ya know the people at the gym who just check themselves out in the mirror the whole time. Now, I'm not saying that I don't think I'm good looking. I'm pretty self-aware and self-confident but I'm just not tabloid hot.
2) You step onto the machine of your choosing (mine is the bike so that I can sit down) and it is covered in sweat. Now there is a clear difference between sweat and a machine that has 'just been cleaned.'' Sweat is stickier. I know this because I am very hot-blooded and I sweat with the A.C. on full blast in an ice storm.
3) I HATE having akward run-ins with people I either went to high school with, don't like or dated. If I see parents of some of my friends, or my mom's friends that's cool. But when I walk in and immediately see someone I went on a bad date with I'm outta there. Also, I LOATH having fake conversations. ''You look really good'' and ''what have you been up to?'' and ''it's been sooooo long since I've seen you'' are too many words for me to spit out happily. Spare me the waste of energy.
To all of those people who ADORE the gym and love working out, congratualtions! Be proud and be hot and be healthy and feel good about yourself - I love it! That's terrific. Maybe one day I will work out too (i.e. when I have 3 children and no longer have a metabolism). So for now, I'm gonna stick to my 1 lap walks around Lake Arlington and (which is 1.5 miles, by the way, a big feat for me) and occassional visits to clubs on friday nights with my girlfriends - this requires me to stand around and/or dance if I so choose.
If anyone has any suggestions on types of working out I would like, please inform me. I just got back from Europe where I walked everywhere and actually enjoyed it. Now that I'm in a place where that isn't possible I'm getting back to my old loves - television, movies and laying, yes, laying, in general. Not the sex laying, just laying down and not moving. Also, eating. How could i forget about that?
Workoutaholics - I SALUTE YOU! Lipoarexics - got a room for a new member?
According to dictionary.com, to work means ''exertion or effort directed to produce or accomplish something; labor; toil.'' Now, the first word that jumps out at me in this definiton is TOIL. In my brain, toil refers directly to pain and personal anguish. So right off the bat the verb to work is automatically associated with excessive negativity. Also, when we as humans look at the word work or associate ourselves with the word, there is an overwhelmingly negative feeling about it. Let's face it, no one likes to work. Most people wish that going to work was like a spa day everyday. Most people would rather be passionate about their work. Even the people who make 6 figures a year don't necessarily love their job, but when they are making enough money to fly to St. Lucia for a weekend getaway (disclaimer: this is unrealistic, especially with our current economic situation) then I don't think working overtime really requires an ''i hate my job, i hate my life'' bitch fest with your therapist. So unless me working out is going to get me a private jet to Bali with P. Diddy and then I get to makeout (the PG version of what I would really do) with Adam Levine from Maroon 5 (he's my dream man), it sounds like a ''NO GO'' to me.
Now the word out can mean a variety of things. According to dictionary.com, the term out when used as an adverb means ''away from, or not in, the normal or usual place, position.'' In my life, the usual/normal places I exist include my bed, my car, my desk at work, the same spot I take up at Caribou Coffee (they have free wi-fi, how could i not spend most of my downtime there?), sometimes at Melissa's house, the movie theater, my sisters' house or a nearby local establishment/bar. I don't think a gym or even a basement with a personal gym falls in the category of ''places I normally exist in.'' So automatically, it's out of my comfort zone. To elab (that's an abbrievation for elaborate and I use this term a lot), here's what happens when I go to the gym:
1) I walk in and am immediately bombarded by a sea of tabloid hot people (think multiple Paris Hilton and Matthew McConaughey wannabe's). I'm not really too fond of narcicists, ya know the people at the gym who just check themselves out in the mirror the whole time. Now, I'm not saying that I don't think I'm good looking. I'm pretty self-aware and self-confident but I'm just not tabloid hot.
2) You step onto the machine of your choosing (mine is the bike so that I can sit down) and it is covered in sweat. Now there is a clear difference between sweat and a machine that has 'just been cleaned.'' Sweat is stickier. I know this because I am very hot-blooded and I sweat with the A.C. on full blast in an ice storm.
3) I HATE having akward run-ins with people I either went to high school with, don't like or dated. If I see parents of some of my friends, or my mom's friends that's cool. But when I walk in and immediately see someone I went on a bad date with I'm outta there. Also, I LOATH having fake conversations. ''You look really good'' and ''what have you been up to?'' and ''it's been sooooo long since I've seen you'' are too many words for me to spit out happily. Spare me the waste of energy.
To all of those people who ADORE the gym and love working out, congratualtions! Be proud and be hot and be healthy and feel good about yourself - I love it! That's terrific. Maybe one day I will work out too (i.e. when I have 3 children and no longer have a metabolism). So for now, I'm gonna stick to my 1 lap walks around Lake Arlington and (which is 1.5 miles, by the way, a big feat for me) and occassional visits to clubs on friday nights with my girlfriends - this requires me to stand around and/or dance if I so choose.
If anyone has any suggestions on types of working out I would like, please inform me. I just got back from Europe where I walked everywhere and actually enjoyed it. Now that I'm in a place where that isn't possible I'm getting back to my old loves - television, movies and laying, yes, laying, in general. Not the sex laying, just laying down and not moving. Also, eating. How could i forget about that?
Workoutaholics - I SALUTE YOU! Lipoarexics - got a room for a new member?
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
maybe some things aren't meant to be understood.
So since I have been home from Europe, I have been living with my mom. I knew that coming back to Jode's house meant that I wouldn't have to pay rent, I would have a personal grocery shopper and a place to store my things. Well, as I suspected, those three perks have slowly decreased in the ''reasons why I love living at home'' category. No matter what I do, if I live in my mother's house I will have to deal with living in my mother's house. I don't know how people live with their parents all of their lives! I just lived on my own for 5 months and it was amazing! I had my own bathroom and could come and go whenever. I payed my own bills (by myself), shopped for myself, organized my time around the London transportation schedule (yes, by myself) and although it was not glamorous by any means it made me feel good to have those responsibilities and a place of my own. It made me feel good to say that I can do all of this by myself. So now that I'm back, I just want to get out of Jody's house. I also want to leave because I'll never fully have control over my own life. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents. But I don't really understand them.
For two people who are so different, they are so similarly stubborn about different things. I am a very stubborn person, too. My mother and I are the quintessential Taureans. We stand our ground once we're sure of our position on a specific issue. Sure, we’ll listen to you and take your advice, but in the end it’s our way or the highway. Control freak – that’s the term. I can’t really explain my dad because he’s a Gemini to a T. I feel like they don't take me seriously because they have always been there for me financially and can't really see me fending for myself 100%. I feel like to them I’m still 5-year-old Chelsea.
When I go to my dad’s house I won’t even walk into my room because it is a Twilight Zone experience, scary music and all. I’ll paint you a quick picture. It looks like Barbie and Skipper had a slumber party, got high on purple and pink markers and then vomited all over my room. My bright pink Girl Talk phone is still utilized and my old stuffed animals, Wizard of Oz collector’s edition plate and huge pink flower lamp are still the main sources of decoration and lighting. I went to my dad’s house this past weekend to check on the sump pump after the Hurricane Ike made its way across Northern Illinois. I sat down in his desk chair to make a phone call and I saw a picture frame of me, Alex and Haley from a Christmas card a few years back. I was probably 20, Alex was in high school and Haley was pre-double digits (so to her that was ages ago). It was such a cute picture but the trouble was that you couldn’t really see it when it’s being blocked by a photo of Alex and I when we were 3 and 7. That photo was stuck into the crevice of the frame. I had to laugh a bit because as usual I was finding symbolism and irony in everyday situations. This frame was the only picture on the desk and it was one of the very few pictures of me, Alex and Haley all together. But it was being blocked by memories from long ago with people in it who no longer exist. I am not who I was when I was 7. I’m not even who I was when I was 17. I didn’t know my parents before they were my parents so I can’t go back to the memories of their childhoods to treat them like children. But I think there comes a point when it’s okay to let go of the good memories. Nothing lasts forever. We are human beings, constantly changing and growing. It’s okay to hold on to the fondest of memories, but it’s not reality. I’m not saying that my dad is disappointing me for wanting to still see little Chelsea running around with a huge gap in her teeth and crimped blonde hair. But, she grew up and became a pistol.
Now my mother is not off the hook entirely. Sometimes I feel like she has planted cameras in areas of my life to constantly watch me – at work, in my car, in my bedroom. The woman is good. She always knows what’s going on. Maybe she just wants to feel like I need her to help me. But, I’ve never really been the needy type. Once in a while I will have a moment where I just want my mom to give me a hug and tell me everything is going to be fine. I can imagine it being quite difficult to have me as a daughter. I don’t make things easy. I know I can be a bitch or be lazy, careless, unapproachable or condascending and rude to her. I hope that when I move out our relationship will get better. Is this a normal fear? I think it is. My mom has been my biggest supporter since I was 10 and to even think about her not being here makes me physically unable to breathe. But I am who I am now. She is who she is now. Maybe at 23, I can't be as close to my mother as I would like to be. I hope one day we can be close, but right now I just need to live my life and lead my life.
For two people who are so different, they are so similarly stubborn about different things. I am a very stubborn person, too. My mother and I are the quintessential Taureans. We stand our ground once we're sure of our position on a specific issue. Sure, we’ll listen to you and take your advice, but in the end it’s our way or the highway. Control freak – that’s the term. I can’t really explain my dad because he’s a Gemini to a T. I feel like they don't take me seriously because they have always been there for me financially and can't really see me fending for myself 100%. I feel like to them I’m still 5-year-old Chelsea.
When I go to my dad’s house I won’t even walk into my room because it is a Twilight Zone experience, scary music and all. I’ll paint you a quick picture. It looks like Barbie and Skipper had a slumber party, got high on purple and pink markers and then vomited all over my room. My bright pink Girl Talk phone is still utilized and my old stuffed animals, Wizard of Oz collector’s edition plate and huge pink flower lamp are still the main sources of decoration and lighting. I went to my dad’s house this past weekend to check on the sump pump after the Hurricane Ike made its way across Northern Illinois. I sat down in his desk chair to make a phone call and I saw a picture frame of me, Alex and Haley from a Christmas card a few years back. I was probably 20, Alex was in high school and Haley was pre-double digits (so to her that was ages ago). It was such a cute picture but the trouble was that you couldn’t really see it when it’s being blocked by a photo of Alex and I when we were 3 and 7. That photo was stuck into the crevice of the frame. I had to laugh a bit because as usual I was finding symbolism and irony in everyday situations. This frame was the only picture on the desk and it was one of the very few pictures of me, Alex and Haley all together. But it was being blocked by memories from long ago with people in it who no longer exist. I am not who I was when I was 7. I’m not even who I was when I was 17. I didn’t know my parents before they were my parents so I can’t go back to the memories of their childhoods to treat them like children. But I think there comes a point when it’s okay to let go of the good memories. Nothing lasts forever. We are human beings, constantly changing and growing. It’s okay to hold on to the fondest of memories, but it’s not reality. I’m not saying that my dad is disappointing me for wanting to still see little Chelsea running around with a huge gap in her teeth and crimped blonde hair. But, she grew up and became a pistol.
Now my mother is not off the hook entirely. Sometimes I feel like she has planted cameras in areas of my life to constantly watch me – at work, in my car, in my bedroom. The woman is good. She always knows what’s going on. Maybe she just wants to feel like I need her to help me. But, I’ve never really been the needy type. Once in a while I will have a moment where I just want my mom to give me a hug and tell me everything is going to be fine. I can imagine it being quite difficult to have me as a daughter. I don’t make things easy. I know I can be a bitch or be lazy, careless, unapproachable or condascending and rude to her. I hope that when I move out our relationship will get better. Is this a normal fear? I think it is. My mom has been my biggest supporter since I was 10 and to even think about her not being here makes me physically unable to breathe. But I am who I am now. She is who she is now. Maybe at 23, I can't be as close to my mother as I would like to be. I hope one day we can be close, but right now I just need to live my life and lead my life.
Monday, September 15, 2008
coming to terms with reality...
Disclaimer: If you are offended, I'm maybe sorry.
I love watching movies that are so relatable to my life to the point that it saddens me. The reality of the movie tends to make me realize why and where I am fucking up. Yesterday I watched Reality Bites with my 15 year old sister, Danielle. I mean, I didn’t even figure out what it really meant so I have a hard time imagining her piecing the puzzle of life together. I am 23 years old, I am currently unemployed and I recently returned from Europe. I am also confused about my future career and honestly, I just want to chill. I mean, in the end, the movie ends great. Lelaina and Troy end up together, Vickie doesn’t have HIV, Sammy comes of the closet, and those are things that the average twenty something relates to. But we’re all searching for a different meaning – not a Hollywood ending. We work so hard as young adults. For years we’re encouraged by our parents, teachers, coaches and mentors with words of wisdom such as ‘’you have to get an education’’ or ‘’you have to get a job.’’ Let me tell you something about what I learned from ''my education.'' College is one of those experiences everyone needs to have. Not just for learning purposes. You learn so much about friendship and the opposite sex and responsibilities. The main tools that I have taken from my personal intercollegiate experience include the following:
1) When you bong a beer you need to relax your throat.
2) Don’t talk shit about people because it will come right back around and bite you in the ass.
3) If it feels wrong, it probably is.
4) You are not going to get an orgasm from having sex with a guy one time (and if you do congrata-fucking-lations for being the lovely 1.5% of the female population with that gift).
5) Shame is a commodity.
6) Blacking out will only get your bare ass on the internet. Or may result in a similar embarrassing episode involving nudity, sex or drugs.
I majored in public relations and in all honesty I took the easy road. I just wanted to party and meet dudes and hang out with my friends and not give two shits about this endless highway of confusion called ‘’the real world.’’ I wanted to wake up each morning and know that my day was gonna be easy breezy. Sure, once I left Party University after two years and headed back home to continue my degree at Roosevelt, I finally focused on my education. The good news was that I no longer had to take tests AKA the devil. That brings me to my RANT OF THE DAY...
How can tests unconditionally define your intelligence level?
I don’t really like being asked questions about things I’ve learned from a text book or a teacher. I especially don’t like being asked questions involving multiple choices. It just confuses everything and in my opinion, that is why so many students flunk out. Let’s confuse the students, brilliant plan! Then the alumni pitches a shit fit because GPA's go down. In ‘’the real world’’ and let’s take an investment firm for example, a sample dilemma will not include 4 potential answers. Usually it involves one answer….MAKE THE CLIENT MONEY VIA INVESTING IN LUCRATIVE AREAS OF THE MARKETPLACE. It’s so simple, but that’s the education system fucking with your head. If their gonna give multiple choice or Scantron exams they should first ask the question, allow the student to think about their initial response based on analysis of thus learned information and common sense and then bust out the optional answers one at a time. Or we should just abolish tests and stick to lab work or essays or even case studies. This all relates to my life because I guess I am just a little stressed because I have to take the Graduate Record Examination (G.R.E.) so that I can get into grad school. I checked one out online and it looked extremely scary. So I have to take a Kaplan course (MAYBE), study from a book (NO!), or just wing it (TRUE CHELSEA STYLE).
I still have yet to determine what exactly I want to go to grad school for. Honestly - and I know this sounds very arrogant –I just want to make it to my PHD so I can be Dr. Chelsea. That would be pretty sweet. But for real, I love English and history so much. I get excited to read about historical artists and politicians and heroes. Right now I am going through a major mid 16th century pre-Elizabethan phase. Now, I know that most people do not know what the hell that is. So I'll try to explain it as best I can. There was this guy called King Henry VIII - RING A BELL, ANYONE? - and his reign, string of wives, deceit, all-around arrogance and childishness led us to what would be known as one of the most disgustingly wasteful experiences in UK history. I mean, this man forced Katherine of Aragon into exile (a nunnery) for absolutely NOTHING, fathered multiple illigimate children while he was married, beheaded Anne Boleyn accusing her of incest and adultery and claiming to love God and honor the commandments but completely and hypocritically trashing the Catholic church. Ergo, and yes I said ergo, thus creating the Church of England and all he really ever became was a pushy, fat, unattractive, smelly cretin who bitched and moaned through his entire blessed life. It’s despicable. The onmly thing he should truly be proud of was fathering maybe the greatest and definitely the most well known Queens of all time, Elizabeth. After reading numerous accounts by historians and watching adaptations of his life –The Other Boleyn Girl (which sucked ass and insulted Philipa Gregory’s incredibly well-developed and decadent novel) and Showtime’s The Tudors (which also completely sucked but portrayed King Henry VIII to a T) – I am convinced that this man was countlessly excused of murdering thousands of people and setting women back ten-fold in our rise to become equals. It’s embarrassing, really. But without King Henry VIII we would not have examples of ''what not to do when running a country.'' Clearly, President Bush did not get that memo or do his summer reading before his first term in office with the book ''why not to run a country with the sole purpose of chasing your father's failures.'' Okay, well if there was a book with this title hopefully Bush will realize that he has joined the ranks of political idiots like King Henry VIII, Hitler, Mussolini, Robert Mugabe, etc. and write the damn book.
I love watching movies that are so relatable to my life to the point that it saddens me. The reality of the movie tends to make me realize why and where I am fucking up. Yesterday I watched Reality Bites with my 15 year old sister, Danielle. I mean, I didn’t even figure out what it really meant so I have a hard time imagining her piecing the puzzle of life together. I am 23 years old, I am currently unemployed and I recently returned from Europe. I am also confused about my future career and honestly, I just want to chill. I mean, in the end, the movie ends great. Lelaina and Troy end up together, Vickie doesn’t have HIV, Sammy comes of the closet, and those are things that the average twenty something relates to. But we’re all searching for a different meaning – not a Hollywood ending. We work so hard as young adults. For years we’re encouraged by our parents, teachers, coaches and mentors with words of wisdom such as ‘’you have to get an education’’ or ‘’you have to get a job.’’ Let me tell you something about what I learned from ''my education.'' College is one of those experiences everyone needs to have. Not just for learning purposes. You learn so much about friendship and the opposite sex and responsibilities. The main tools that I have taken from my personal intercollegiate experience include the following:
1) When you bong a beer you need to relax your throat.
2) Don’t talk shit about people because it will come right back around and bite you in the ass.
3) If it feels wrong, it probably is.
4) You are not going to get an orgasm from having sex with a guy one time (and if you do congrata-fucking-lations for being the lovely 1.5% of the female population with that gift).
5) Shame is a commodity.
6) Blacking out will only get your bare ass on the internet. Or may result in a similar embarrassing episode involving nudity, sex or drugs.
I majored in public relations and in all honesty I took the easy road. I just wanted to party and meet dudes and hang out with my friends and not give two shits about this endless highway of confusion called ‘’the real world.’’ I wanted to wake up each morning and know that my day was gonna be easy breezy. Sure, once I left Party University after two years and headed back home to continue my degree at Roosevelt, I finally focused on my education. The good news was that I no longer had to take tests AKA the devil. That brings me to my RANT OF THE DAY...
How can tests unconditionally define your intelligence level?
I don’t really like being asked questions about things I’ve learned from a text book or a teacher. I especially don’t like being asked questions involving multiple choices. It just confuses everything and in my opinion, that is why so many students flunk out. Let’s confuse the students, brilliant plan! Then the alumni pitches a shit fit because GPA's go down. In ‘’the real world’’ and let’s take an investment firm for example, a sample dilemma will not include 4 potential answers. Usually it involves one answer….MAKE THE CLIENT MONEY VIA INVESTING IN LUCRATIVE AREAS OF THE MARKETPLACE. It’s so simple, but that’s the education system fucking with your head. If their gonna give multiple choice or Scantron exams they should first ask the question, allow the student to think about their initial response based on analysis of thus learned information and common sense and then bust out the optional answers one at a time. Or we should just abolish tests and stick to lab work or essays or even case studies. This all relates to my life because I guess I am just a little stressed because I have to take the Graduate Record Examination (G.R.E.) so that I can get into grad school. I checked one out online and it looked extremely scary. So I have to take a Kaplan course (MAYBE), study from a book (NO!), or just wing it (TRUE CHELSEA STYLE).
I still have yet to determine what exactly I want to go to grad school for. Honestly - and I know this sounds very arrogant –I just want to make it to my PHD so I can be Dr. Chelsea. That would be pretty sweet. But for real, I love English and history so much. I get excited to read about historical artists and politicians and heroes. Right now I am going through a major mid 16th century pre-Elizabethan phase. Now, I know that most people do not know what the hell that is. So I'll try to explain it as best I can. There was this guy called King Henry VIII - RING A BELL, ANYONE? - and his reign, string of wives, deceit, all-around arrogance and childishness led us to what would be known as one of the most disgustingly wasteful experiences in UK history. I mean, this man forced Katherine of Aragon into exile (a nunnery) for absolutely NOTHING, fathered multiple illigimate children while he was married, beheaded Anne Boleyn accusing her of incest and adultery and claiming to love God and honor the commandments but completely and hypocritically trashing the Catholic church. Ergo, and yes I said ergo, thus creating the Church of England and all he really ever became was a pushy, fat, unattractive, smelly cretin who bitched and moaned through his entire blessed life. It’s despicable. The onmly thing he should truly be proud of was fathering maybe the greatest and definitely the most well known Queens of all time, Elizabeth. After reading numerous accounts by historians and watching adaptations of his life –The Other Boleyn Girl (which sucked ass and insulted Philipa Gregory’s incredibly well-developed and decadent novel) and Showtime’s The Tudors (which also completely sucked but portrayed King Henry VIII to a T) – I am convinced that this man was countlessly excused of murdering thousands of people and setting women back ten-fold in our rise to become equals. It’s embarrassing, really. But without King Henry VIII we would not have examples of ''what not to do when running a country.'' Clearly, President Bush did not get that memo or do his summer reading before his first term in office with the book ''why not to run a country with the sole purpose of chasing your father's failures.'' Okay, well if there was a book with this title hopefully Bush will realize that he has joined the ranks of political idiots like King Henry VIII, Hitler, Mussolini, Robert Mugabe, etc. and write the damn book.
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