Let's get physical....or not.

Most people who know me are very aware that if any part of my day involves physical activity I will try to avoid it at all costs. Now, I completely respect and admire people who enjoy working out. I was inspired by one of my dearest friends, Lindsay (who like me expresses her experiences via blog), to comment on this phenomenon that has taken over the world called ''working out.'' Now first, let's break down the term.

According to dictionary.com, to work means ''exertion or effort directed to produce or accomplish something; labor; toil.'' Now, the first word that jumps out at me in this definiton is TOIL. In my brain, toil refers directly to pain and personal anguish. So right off the bat the verb to work is automatically associated with excessive negativity. Also, when we as humans look at the word work or associate ourselves with the word, there is an overwhelmingly negative feeling about it. Let's face it, no one likes to work. Most people wish that going to work was like a spa day everyday. Most people would rather be passionate about their work. Even the people who make 6 figures a year don't necessarily love their job, but when they are making enough money to fly to St. Lucia for a weekend getaway (disclaimer: this is unrealistic, especially with our current economic situation) then I don't think working overtime really requires an ''i hate my job, i hate my life'' bitch fest with your therapist. So unless me working out is going to get me a private jet to Bali with P. Diddy and then I get to makeout (the PG version of what I would really do) with Adam Levine from Maroon 5 (he's my dream man), it sounds like a ''NO GO'' to me.

Now the word out can mean a variety of things. According to dictionary.com, the term out when used as an adverb means ''away from, or not in, the normal or usual place, position.'' In my life, the usual/normal places I exist include my bed, my car, my desk at work, the same spot I take up at Caribou Coffee (they have free wi-fi, how could i not spend most of my downtime there?), sometimes at Melissa's house, the movie theater, my sisters' house or a nearby local establishment/bar. I don't think a gym or even a basement with a personal gym falls in the category of ''places I normally exist in.'' So automatically, it's out of my comfort zone. To elab (that's an abbrievation for elaborate and I use this term a lot), here's what happens when I go to the gym:

1) I walk in and am immediately bombarded by a sea of tabloid hot people (think multiple Paris Hilton and Matthew McConaughey wannabe's). I'm not really too fond of narcicists, ya know the people at the gym who just check themselves out in the mirror the whole time. Now, I'm not saying that I don't think I'm good looking. I'm pretty self-aware and self-confident but I'm just not tabloid hot.
2) You step onto the machine of your choosing (mine is the bike so that I can sit down) and it is covered in sweat. Now there is a clear difference between sweat and a machine that has 'just been cleaned.'' Sweat is stickier. I know this because I am very hot-blooded and I sweat with the A.C. on full blast in an ice storm.
3) I HATE having akward run-ins with people I either went to high school with, don't like or dated. If I see parents of some of my friends, or my mom's friends that's cool. But when I walk in and immediately see someone I went on a bad date with I'm outta there. Also, I LOATH having fake conversations. ''You look really good'' and ''what have you been up to?'' and ''it's been sooooo long since I've seen you'' are too many words for me to spit out happily. Spare me the waste of energy.

To all of those people who ADORE the gym and love working out, congratualtions! Be proud and be hot and be healthy and feel good about yourself - I love it! That's terrific. Maybe one day I will work out too (i.e. when I have 3 children and no longer have a metabolism). So for now, I'm gonna stick to my 1 lap walks around Lake Arlington and (which is 1.5 miles, by the way, a big feat for me) and occassional visits to clubs on friday nights with my girlfriends - this requires me to stand around and/or dance if I so choose.

If anyone has any suggestions on types of working out I would like, please inform me. I just got back from Europe where I walked everywhere and actually enjoyed it. Now that I'm in a place where that isn't possible I'm getting back to my old loves - television, movies and laying, yes, laying, in general. Not the sex laying, just laying down and not moving. Also, eating. How could i forget about that?

Workoutaholics - I SALUTE YOU! Lipoarexics - got a room for a new member?