Dear Tiger

I have to do this:

Dear Tiger,
Thank you so very much for helping 7 billion people stupify themselves this week. While the marketplace is still a failure, the war in Afghanistan in full effect allowing for thousands of brave soldiers to lose their lives and while millions of poverty-stricken people all over the world are turning tricks just to feed their kids - you disrupt the flow of the world with the most idiotically planned infidelity scheme this year. The fact that you thought your illicit affairs would fly under the radar for years to come makes me realize that you are more dumb than John Edwards, Elliot Spitzer and Jude Law put together. You are the most famous athlete in the world, with a combined worth of over $500 mllion. What makes you think your scandal wouldn't get out? You have a beautiful and devoted wife, adorable children, an incomperable career and more money than God....and still that's not enough. It's just sad that you have officially fucked up your children for the rest of their lives, not to mention that your marriage will never be the same. Oh, and that voicemail message that slut #3 publicized, you really sounded like you felt bad - NOT. Cause you didn't, douchebag. Get over yourself. You should be thanking Jesus, Mary and Joseph that your endorsements are still in tact. Clearly, as an athlete you are a force to be reckoned with, but as a person, you blow ass. Thanks for ruining my favorite news programs for me. Merry effing Christmas.

Love,
Chelsea

Wow. That felt good.